Many people believe that the overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as alcohol and tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The overconsumption of refined
sugar
has been immensely popular among our society, and many f&b
producers use it too much. The majority of Correct your spelling
F&B
people
claim that there must be a clear regulation about it, similar to alcohol and tobacco consumption. This
essay will argue why rules about consuming sweetener products should establish
directly.
Wrong verb form
be established
To begin
with, people
nowadays are justifiably concerned about substances in their foods and drinks. Moreover
, a lot of experts reveal the dangers of consuming artificial sweeteners daily, such
as obesity, sugar
cravings, and huge weight gain. Not only will it have negative side effects, but it will also
jeopardize human health both physically and emotionally. For example
, too much sugar
has a direct affect
on female hormones, which can make them uncomfortable, and cause a lot of Replace the word
effect
acnes
. Correct your spelling
acne
However
, this
diet can lead to severe health conditions.
Besides
, sugar
has addictive substances as well as
cigarettes and alcohol; that is
what they called
Wrong verb form
call
sugar
craving. Some people
could not stop eating something sweets as it gave them satisfaction. On the other hand
, the government had
released a clear regulation about the sale of addictive products in order to prevent Wrong verb form
has
people
from worsening their health. For instance
, they publish articles and ads about the severe side effects of these lifestyles and able
to reduce the number of smokers. Add a missing verb
are able
Furthermore
, similar to this
action, the government should pay more attention to this
serious case.
In conclusion, this
phenomenon is a threat to society as the downsides outweigh the benefits. Therefore
, if the governments do not take the same action as other addictive things, there are
an increase in the number of unhealthy Change the verb form
is
people
in society.Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on
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coherence cohesion
In your introduction, try to paraphrase the prompt more effectively and clearly outline your position on the issue to improve the introduction and set a strong foundation for your essay. A clear thesis statement is crucial for the reader to understand your stance.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples or reasons. The support can be more specific and expansive to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
For the essay to flow better, transitions between sentences and ideas can be smoother. The use of a greater range of linking words and phrases will help with the coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Your response should fully address all parts of the task. The essay touches on the reasons for regulation but could be expanded to discuss more about the extent to which you agree or disagree with the regulation of sugar.
task achievement
Including clearer, more comprehensive ideas with full development in each paragraph will enhance the essay. Make your argument more persuasive by elaborating on key points.
task achievement
Utilizing specific real-world examples or data could significantly strengthen the argument and the response to the task. It also demonstrates an ability to relate abstract ideas to concrete examples.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?