Many people believe that the overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as alcohol and tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #overconsumption #sugar #world #alcohol #tobacco

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The overconsumption of refined

sugar

Use synonyms

has been immensely popular among our society, and many

f&b

Correct your spelling

F&B

show examples

producers use it too much. The majority of

people

Use synonyms

claim that there must be a clear regulation about it, similar to alcohol and tobacco consumption.

This

Linking Words

essay will argue why rules about consuming sweetener products should

establish

Wrong verb form

be established

show examples

directly.

To begin

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with,

people

Use synonyms

nowadays are justifiably concerned about substances in their foods and drinks.

Moreover

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, a lot of experts reveal the dangers of consuming artificial sweeteners daily,

such

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as obesity,

sugar

Use synonyms

cravings, and huge weight gain. Not only will it have negative side effects, but it will

also

Linking Words

jeopardize human health both physically and emotionally.

For example

Linking Words

, too much

sugar

Use synonyms

has a direct

affect

Replace the word

effect

show examples

on female hormones, which can make them uncomfortable, and cause a lot of

acnes

Correct your spelling

acne

show examples

However

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

diet can lead to severe health conditions.

Besides

Linking Words

sugar

Use synonyms

has addictive substances

as well as

Linking Words

cigarettes and alcohol;

that is

Linking Words

what they

called

Wrong verb form

call

show examples

sugar

Use synonyms

craving. Some

people

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could not stop eating something sweets as it gave them satisfaction.

On the other hand

Linking Words

, the government

had

Wrong verb form

has

show examples

released a clear regulation about the sale of addictive products in order to prevent

people

Use synonyms

from worsening their health.

For instance

Linking Words

, they publish articles and ads about the severe side effects of these lifestyles and

able

Add a missing verb

are able

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to reduce the number of smokers.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, similar to

this

Linking Words

action, the government should pay more attention to

this

Linking Words

serious case. In conclusion,

this

Linking Words

phenomenon is a threat to society as the downsides outweigh the benefits.

Therefore

Linking Words

, if the governments do not take the same action as other addictive things, there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

an increase in the number of unhealthy

people

Use synonyms

in society.

Submitted by sidneynatasha16 on Wed Jan 03 2024

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coherence cohesion

In your introduction, try to paraphrase the prompt more effectively and clearly outline your position on the issue to improve the introduction and set a strong foundation for your essay. A clear thesis statement is crucial for the reader to understand your stance.

coherence cohesion

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea, supported by relevant examples or reasons. The support can be more specific and expansive to strengthen the argument.

coherence cohesion

For the essay to flow better, transitions between sentences and ideas can be smoother. The use of a greater range of linking words and phrases will help with the coherence of the essay.

task achievement

Your response should fully address all parts of the task. The essay touches on the reasons for regulation but could be expanded to discuss more about the extent to which you agree or disagree with the regulation of sugar.

task achievement

Including clearer, more comprehensive ideas with full development in each paragraph will enhance the essay. Make your argument more persuasive by elaborating on key points.

task achievement

Utilizing specific real-world examples or data could significantly strengthen the argument and the response to the task. It also demonstrates an ability to relate abstract ideas to concrete examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

overconsumption
refined sugar
regulate
obesity
diabetes
heart disease
sugar addiction
consumer behavior
government intervention
economic impact
public awareness
freedom of choice
food labeling
healthier lifestyle
substance control

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Many people believe that the overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as alcohol and tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Today more and more people want things instantly(eg:goods, service, news). Why is this? Is it positive or negative development.

Many people find it difficult to speak in front of and to present to an audience. It is believed that this skill should be taught in school. Why is this important? To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

In the past, lectures were the traditional method of teaching large numbers of students in a classroom. Nowadays new technology is increasingly being used to teach students. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this new approach in teaching?

Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you thnk the advantages outweigh the disavantages?