online shopping has various advantages for consumers but may also have disadvantages, such as the loss of some individual privacy. do the advantages of online shopping for the consumers outweight the disadvantages ?
One of the controversial issues relates to the benefits and drawbacks of online shopping,
However
, there are many people
who prefer preach
in Fix the infinitive
to preach
this
way ,In contrast
some groups think that's could have
a lot of problems for customers ,In Verb problem
cause
this
essay I strongly agree with the advantages outweighed of disadvantages .
At first,
the family who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
think
that maybe will have some Correct subject-verb agreement
thinks
difficult
with private information and that makes personal Replace the word
difficulties
loos
his privacy like VIScard or passport number that many Correct your spelling
loss
people
have this
concern .Another reason that could
Verb problem
apply
people
dont
like online shopping is the quality of goods because there is Correct your spelling
don't
vary
between Verb problem
a difference
picture
and reality ,Fix the agreement mistake
pictures
for example
, most of Add an article
the products
products
photo has different colours than real Change noun form
products'
product's
onesreal
.
Correct your spelling
ones
On the other hand
, most of
Change preposition
apply
people
agree Add an article
the people
with
that online shopping makes shopping is very easier than before , Change preposition
apply
However
, that saves a lot of people
time , Moreover
, individuals can see a number of brands and compare the products,In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
the
are many Correct your spelling
they
website
which has the strong Change to a plural noun
websites
safty
of privacy and that make Correct your spelling
safety
people
turst
with it , In Hanse, AMOZAN , and Correct your spelling
trust
peopel
not only Correct your spelling
people
phuraseing
clothing but Correct your spelling
phrasing
also
they bought medicament .
in conclusion,I believe in the future one line
shopping will be more developed and secure and will be more Add a hyphen
one-line
people
preferring it .Submitted by Loody on
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task achievement
Your essay shows you understand the general topic, but the response does not fully answer the question about whether the advantages of online shopping outweigh the disadvantages. Ensure each paragraph presents a clear argument and stays focused on comparing the benefits and drawbacks. Provide a stronger conclusion summarizing the comparison.
coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear, logical structure. Each paragraph should have a clear purpose and should connect to your overall argument. Ensure that you have topic sentences that outline the argument for each paragraph, and that each sentence flows logically to the next.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from more precise and varied language, as well as a more formal tone which is suitable for an academic essay. Avoid using colloquial expressions and check spelling and grammar throughout. Consider using synonyms and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a wider range of vocabulary.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.