It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree? What sort of punishment should be given?

#children #right #age #punishment #distinction #sort

The topic of whether

children

should be punished to help them distinguish right from wrong is highly controversial.

While

some argue that

punishment

is necessary for teaching discipline, others believe it can have negative consequences. I agree with the former view, provided that the

punishment

is administered appropriately.

Punishment

can be beneficial in preventing recidivism among

children

. As

children

may not fully grasp verbal reprimands, the

punishment

could impose a severe impression of negative effect, serving as a deterrent to future misconduct.

For example

, requiring bullies to perform community service can effectively reform their behaviour by associating their actions with undesirable consequences.

This

approach not only punishes the offenders but

also

teaches them about the repercussions of their actions on the community.

However

, excessive or inappropriate

punishment

can significantly influence

children

's mental health. Misjudging the severity of an offence can result in harsh punishments that may lead to psychological issues.

For instance

, many Chinese students suffer from depression

due to

intense academic pressure imposed by parents who misinterpret poor grades.

This

can lead to self-blame, resulting in high rates of suicide and self-harm among these students. In conclusion,

while

punishment

can be an effective tool for reforming youth behaviour and preventing future offences, it must be used judiciously. Overuse or inappropriate

punishment

can have disastrous effects on

children

's mental health.

Therefore

, it is crucial to balance discipline with empathy and understanding to foster both good behaviour and psychological well-being in

children

Submitted by yu18526106986 on Wed Jun 12 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay effectively responds to the task by discussing both the necessity and potential drawbacks of using punishment to teach children right from wrong. It offers a balanced view and presents relevant examples to support your points. However, you can enhance the clarity and coherence further by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is logically structured and each paragraph supports the main argument, consider adding topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily. Additionally, use transition phrases to indicate shifts in perspective or to introduce examples, which would improve the flow of your essay.

introduction conclusion

Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and presents your stance effectively. This provides a strong foundation for your essay.

relevant specific examples

You have provided relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the community service example for bullies and the situation of Chinese students facing academic pressure. This adds depth to your argument and makes it more convincing.

introduction conclusion

Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces your balanced view on the topic. This helps to leave a strong impression on the reader.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

241 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 8.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 checks
Get all the feedback you need to keep improving your charts and letters.
Unlimited Task 2 checks
Practice and perfect your skills with essays.
Personalized suggestions
Know how to boost your score.
Detailed mistakes analysis
Get instant feedback. Spot every mistake.
Topic ideas generator
Get topic-specific ideas to enhance your writing.
Vocabulary helper
Get the right words for any topic.
Progress tracking
Track your writing improvements.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
olving environmental problems should be the responsibility of international organization rather than each national government. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that international organizations should take responsibility for tackling environmental problems instead of each country’s government while others believe the opposite opinion. I completely agree with both of the viewpoints and I will elaborate on the reasons below.
4.5
band
Nowadays, people are moving to other countries to seek jobs. Some people think it affects the children of such home negativity while some others think it is beneficial to them. Discuss both sides and state your opinion
In our generation, it is believed by a contemporary group of individuals that settling to other states for finding vacancies is harmful for their children while others assume that it affects them positively. I will give my opinion and discuss both points of views in this essay.
6
band
For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write.’ How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view?
The question of which skills to prioritise for a child’s early education is important for all parents and educators, and music can certainly claim to be a key possibility when deciding which abilities to teach. However, I feel that playing music is actually less important than basic literacy, and I will explain the reasons here.
5
band
In advertising nowadays, businesses usually highlight and emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why do businesses practice this? Do you think this development is a positive practice or a negative one?
The content of advertising industry has evolved significantly, over the past decades. While in the past almost all of focus of businesses was on emphasising on the high quality of their products, thses days most of them aim to attract customers by bolding the new and unique features of their goods.This essay discusses the underlying causes of this trend and my point of views regarding the influences of it. First and foremost, in this technology-driven era with the emergence of sevral high-profile businesses, competing just in terms of quality, has become difficult for companies. Thus they have to entice people by highliting the innovative and peculiar features of their merchandise. This appeal to novelty taps into a psychological phenomenon known as the "novelty effect," where people are more likely to be attracted to and interested in something new and unique. Taking Samsung and Apple two giant companies in mobile phone market, as an example, which both produce best quality phones,...
5
band
Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals think that hobbies are supposed to be hard to make people feel satisfied with them. From my perspective, although some hobbies are enjoyable because they are difficult, I do not consider difficult is the indispensable factor rendering hobbies interesting.

It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree? What sort of punishment should be given?

Word Count

olving environmental problems should be the responsibility of international organization rather than each national government. Do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, people are moving to other countries to seek jobs. Some people think it affects the children of such home negativity while some others think it is beneficial to them. Discuss both sides and state your opinion

For all children, the ability to play a musical instrument is just as important as the ability to read and write.’ How far do you agree with this suggestion? How important is it for a child to learn to play a musical instrument, in your view?

In advertising nowadays, businesses usually highlight and emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why do businesses practice this? Do you think this development is a positive practice or a negative one?

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree?