It is important for children to learn what is right and what is wrong at an early age. Punishment is necessary to help them learn the distinction. To what extent do you agree? What sort of punishment should be given?
The topic of whether
children
should be punished to help them distinguish right from wrong is highly controversial. While
some argue that punishment
is necessary for teaching discipline, others believe it can have negative consequences. I agree with the former view, provided that the punishment
is administered appropriately.
Punishment
can be beneficial in preventing recidivism among children
. As children
may not fully grasp verbal reprimands, the punishment
could impose a severe impression of negative effect, serving as a deterrent to future misconduct. For example
, requiring bullies to perform community service can effectively reform their behaviour by associating their actions with undesirable consequences. This
approach not only punishes the offenders but also
teaches them about the repercussions of their actions on the community.
However
, excessive or inappropriate punishment
can significantly influence children
's mental health. Misjudging the severity of an offence can result in harsh punishments that may lead to psychological issues. For instance
, many Chinese students suffer from depression due to
intense academic pressure imposed by parents who misinterpret poor grades. This
can lead to self-blame, resulting in high rates of suicide and self-harm among these students.
In conclusion, while
punishment
can be an effective tool for reforming youth behaviour and preventing future offences, it must be used judiciously. Overuse or inappropriate punishment
can have disastrous effects on children
's mental health. Therefore
, it is crucial to balance discipline with empathy and understanding to foster both good behaviour and psychological well-being in children
.Submitted by yu18526106986 on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively responds to the task by discussing both the necessity and potential drawbacks of using punishment to teach children right from wrong. It offers a balanced view and presents relevant examples to support your points. However, you can enhance the clarity and coherence further by using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is logically structured and each paragraph supports the main argument, consider adding topic sentences that clearly state the main idea of each paragraph. This will help the reader follow your argument more easily. Additionally, use transition phrases to indicate shifts in perspective or to introduce examples, which would improve the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction clearly sets up the topic and presents your stance effectively. This provides a strong foundation for your essay.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant and specific examples to illustrate your points, such as the community service example for bullies and the situation of Chinese students facing academic pressure. This adds depth to your argument and makes it more convincing.
introduction conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and reinforces your balanced view on the topic. This helps to leave a strong impression on the reader.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.