IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? Provide relevant examples if necessary.

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These days,
while
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 some people consider the job atmosphere essential, most people are satisfied by huge wages, no matter what it is. I'm afraid I have to disagree with
this
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 statement. People know the importance of self-improvement and how the passionate is essential. Why do they ignore the soul of work?
To begin
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 with, the first important reason is that any working organization that values you and helps you to be better in your field, helps you to set a new target with a better vision and updated version of yourself.
For instance
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, Mazin AL-Salmani the CEO of Muscat Electricity Distribution Company started as an assistant lineman.
In other words
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, working in an environment that helps you to grow and opens the future doors for you helps you to gain many and reputation. Behind that, a great working atmosphere with high-quality achievement makes you feel happy and pleasant. Working on a project that makes a remarkable difference in any part of the society's services or even plays an essential change in the country's income is sensational.
Such
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 as, the Muscat Power plant which feeds 28% of Oman needs energy. To illustrate that money is speak of the devil,
while
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 the remarkable achievement remains. Quit apart the good mental and physical health that can reflect on your brain and body because you do what you like.
To conclude
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, job satisfaction can play a main part in your life and it can be the reason for getting either wealth or a remarkable touch that remains even if you die.

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Logical Structure
Your essay provided a response but lacks a clear and coherent structure. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and is supported by detailed explanation, examples or evidence.
Introduction and Conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be strengthened. Make your thesis statement clearer in the introduction and summarise your main points more effectively in the conclusion.
Supported Main Points
While you provided some main points, they are not adequately supported and expanded. Use specific examples that clearly illustrate your arguments. Avoid vague statements and ensure that each main point is fully developed.
Complete Response
You have addressed the task, but the response is incomplete as it doesn't fully develop all parts of the argument. Expand on your ideas, explore different perspectives and ensure your position is consistent throughout the essay.
Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
The ideas in the essay are somewhat clear, but they could be more comprehensive. Aim to elaborate on the points made and explore the implications or complications of your argument.
Relevant Specific Examples
You mentioned relevant examples, but they lack specificity. Strengthen your essay by including detailed and specific examples to support each point. Make sure that the examples are directly related to the argument and contribute to the reader's understanding of your stance.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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