IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The chart shows the results of surveys in one African country asking teenagers the main reasons for using their phones between 2016 and 2019. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
#results #surveys #african #country #teenagers #phones #summarise #information #features #comparisons #minutes
Four of
pie
Correct article usage
the pie
show examples
 diagrams above give
infromation
Correct your spelling
information
 about one African
Country
Change noun form
Country's
show examples
teenagers
Change noun form
teenager's
teenagers'
show examples
 main reasons for using their phones
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2016
till
Change preposition
to
show examples
 2019. There are
few
Correct article usage
a few
show examples
 main reasons
such
 as social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
, email, digital
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
, and phone calls.
According to
 the data, social networks were always the
highest
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
main reason
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2016 till 2019.
It is clear that
 email
was that
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 always
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
decreased from 25% to 19% between 2016 and 2019.
Then
, digital
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
 had 15% twice in 2016 and 2017, but
then
, the apply number slightly increased to 18% and 20% in 2018 and 2019.
On the other hand
, phone calls had the most
fluctuated
Wrong verb form
fluctuating
show examples
 data on
this
 pie diagram because from 2016 to 2017 the number
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 rise from 10% to 13%.
While
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 in 2018 and 2019 the data
were drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 to 11% in 2018 and 5% in the year 2019.
To sum up
, the biggest main reason was for social
network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
show examples
;
then
, the second place was for email; and
also
, the third position was for digital
camera
Fix the agreement mistake
cameras
show examples
;
lastly
, the
last
 place was for phone calls.
Submitted by talithanakhwah19 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "diagrams" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • noticeable shift
  • communication preferences
  • considerably declined
  • functionalities
  • reflecting global trends
  • emerging trend
  • educational use of technology
  • diversification
  • traditional communication
  • digital forms of communication
  • instant messaging
What to do next:
Look at other essays: