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Band 2

Some people say free time activities for children should be organized by parents. Others say that children should be free to choose what they do in their free time. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #time #activities #children #parents
In
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recent
days
Add a comma
days,
show examples
 several people
argue
Wrong verb form
have argued
show examples
 that children's spare time
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should be scheduled by their
parents
while
 others consider that children might have the liberty to pick their own activities
along
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their free time. In my opinion,
parents
 must be able to
taught
Change the verb
teach
show examples
 their kids about different routines and activities
nevertheless
, kids must choose their favorites. On the one hand, some people consider the
stament
Correct your spelling
statement
 for
parents
 control to
Correct pronoun usage
their childrens
show examples
childrens
Change to a genitive case
children's
show examples
 schedule as an authoritarian regimen and by that, the kid would never
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 the
change
Correct your spelling
chance
show examples
 to be independent. The ability
of making
Replace the preposition
to make
show examples
 decisions must be learned at an early stage because in the future the
parents
 cannot be present at any moment.
On the other hand
, a kid who
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 what he wants to do in their free time has more chances to learn about discipline,
besides
 he would really enjoy the activity
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
which is involved,
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 him more happy and friendly.
Submitted by vinape on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacked a clear logical structure making it difficult to follow the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were not clearly defined, which is essential to frame your discussion and articulate your personal viewpoint effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points were touched upon but not supported with adequate explanations or examples. This meant the argument was undeveloped and not persuasive.
task achievement
The response, while attempting to tackle the essay prompt, did not address the task completely. Both views were not fully discussed, and your opinion was not substantiated with strong arguments.
task achievement
Ideas were presented but not developed comprehensively. Each paragraph should clearly contain one main idea, expanded with explanation and examples.
task achievement
The use of relevant, specific examples is key to a strong essay, and this was lacking. Your arguments could have been made much clearer with the inclusion of examples to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • balanced development
  • expose children to
  • tailored activities
  • promote discipline
  • foster independence
  • genuine interests
  • free play
  • problem-solving skills
  • emotional well-being
  • unstructured time
  • personal exploration
  • structured activities
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