IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking.

In contemporary society, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are the main factor in life;
in other words
Linking Words
, it is normally used whether watching a video, reading a newspaper, or chatting with others;
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, many argue that people who are using
phones
Use synonyms
 all the time do not differ from people addicted smoking.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some believe that smoking is banned in some places so telephones should be banned like smoking.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of the controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided. On the one hand, advocates of the usage of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are as antisocial as smoking and it should be banned in certain areas. There is no denying that
phones
Use synonyms
 play an important role in life as they spend a lot of time on
phones
Use synonyms
 which makes it disadvantageous to them
such
Linking Words
 as eyesight, memory, and concentration.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 decreases interaction with others like families and friends and
this
Linking Words
 especially happens to children.
For example
Linking Words
, when a family have dinner, kids only focus on their mobile and do not talk with their parents.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, it can cause children to be shy or lack communication skills when they commute with others.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, despite many negative effects, there are a number of positive aspects that cannot be ignored.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 some citizens have a lot of money in applications
such
Linking Words
 as K-bank, TrueMoney wallet, and other app banks.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are several benefits of telephones
such
Linking Words
 as searching the information about the places in which you are. In conclusion, many think that mobiles should be limited somewhere like restaurants because they bring about antisocial troubles
such
Linking Words
 as smoking. In my view, we should use
phones
Use synonyms
 at appropriate times and should not spend more time on nonsense apps like games.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that main points are fully developed with specific and relevant examples, and that there is a clear position throughout the response.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical progression of ideas, ensuring clear and effective ordering of ideas and use of cohesive devices.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • antisocial
  • social interactions
  • negative impacts
  • banning
  • regulated
  • completely banned
  • education
  • awareness campaigns
  • responsible
  • mobile phone use
What to do next:
Look at other essays: