Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.
Some
individuals
argue that state-of-the-art technology
is connecting people
. However
, others
believe that it could also
separate them from others
. Although
advanced technology
can make individuals
focus more on their personal devices, I agree that modernised conversation techniques will bring more benefits because it
can help Correct pronoun usage
they
people
when they are not allowed to talk face to face
.
On one hand, Add a hyphen
face-to-face
people
feel advanced technologies create distant relationships because they think people
are more focused on themselves and their social media rather than direct conversation. Take, for example
, it
often happens during the family dinner, which is a perfect moment for them to discuss Correct pronoun usage
what
about
their personal matters. Remove the preposition
apply
However
, since each family member has their own cell phones
. They reluctantly talk to each otherFix the agreement mistake
phone
,
and decide to spend their time on their social media Remove the comma
apply
while
having a meal. However
, I do not think that novel communication technologies make humans apart because in some cases we still need to have direct conversations with others
especially when discussing urgent matters.
On the other hand
, others
believe that the positive development of technology
can gather individuals
because they feel it can help people
to communicate even with different challenges and conditions. For instance
, the pandemic situation forced individuals
not to be involved in face-to-face communication. However
, with advanced video meeting platforms such
as Zoom, people
can still have a conversation or even conduct a scientific conference. I agree with this
thought because modernized technology
has proven to connect people
during the pandemic, rather than separate them
In conclusion, even though modern technology
has some possibilities to make people
distant, my viewpoint supports the development of novel technology
. because it can provide long-distance communication that will bring people
together.Submitted by dwityawaskitoent on
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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the scope of the essay and your thesis statement. Clarify that you will be examining both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion.
coherence cohesion
While supporting points, use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to help the flow and clarity of the argument. This will enhance the logical structuring of your ideas.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided by adding more specific details. This makes your argument more persuasive and provides a clearer understanding of your standpoint.
task achievement
Aim for a more balanced discussion of both views. Provide equivalent attention and development to each viewpoint before expressing your opinion to maintain objectivity and demonstrate a thorough consideration of the issue.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score, utilize a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This will show linguistic capability and better engagement with the reader.
coherence cohesion
Conclude the essay by summarizing both sides of the argument succinctly and restating your opinion. This reinforces the overall message and provides a clear resolution to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of grammatical errors and use a range of complex structures accurately to convey your points more effectively.
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