IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many believe that modern technology has brought people together, but others say that it has driven us apart. Discuss both viewpoints and give your own opinion.

Some
individuals
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 argue that state-of-the-art
technology
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 is connecting
people
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.
However
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,
others
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 believe that it could
also
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 separate them from
others
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.
Although
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 advanced
technology
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 can make
individuals
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 focus more on their personal devices, I agree that modernised conversation techniques will bring more benefits because
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help
people
Use synonyms
 when they are not allowed to talk
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
. On one hand,
people
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 feel advanced technologies create distant relationships because they think
people
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 are more focused on themselves and their social media rather than direct conversation. Take,
for example
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,
it
Correct pronoun usage
what
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 often happens during the family dinner, which is a perfect moment for them to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
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their personal matters.
However
Linking Words
, since each family member has their own cell
phones
Fix the agreement mistake
phone
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. They reluctantly talk to each other
,
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apply
show examples
 and decide to spend their time on their social media
while
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 having a meal.
However
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, I do not think that novel communication technologies make humans apart because in some cases we still need to have direct conversations with
others
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 especially when discussing urgent matters.
On the other hand
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,
others
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 believe that the positive development of
technology
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 can gather
individuals
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 because they feel it can help
people
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 to communicate even with different challenges and conditions.
For instance
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, the pandemic situation forced
individuals
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 not to be involved in face-to-face communication.
However
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, with advanced video meeting platforms
such
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 as Zoom,
people
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 can still have a conversation or even conduct a scientific conference. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 thought because modernized
technology
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 has proven to connect
people
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 during the pandemic, rather than separate them In conclusion, even though modern
technology
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 has some possibilities to make
people
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 distant, my viewpoint supports the development of novel
technology
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. because it can provide long-distance communication that will bring
people
Use synonyms
 together.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the scope of the essay and your thesis statement. Clarify that you will be examining both sides of the argument before presenting your opinion.
coherence cohesion
While supporting points, use a wider range of cohesive devices and paragraphing effectively to help the flow and clarity of the argument. This will enhance the logical structuring of your ideas.
task achievement
Expand on the examples provided by adding more specific details. This makes your argument more persuasive and provides a clearer understanding of your standpoint.
task achievement
Aim for a more balanced discussion of both views. Provide equivalent attention and development to each viewpoint before expressing your opinion to maintain objectivity and demonstrate a thorough consideration of the issue.
coherence cohesion
For a higher score, utilize a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures. This will show linguistic capability and better engagement with the reader.
coherence cohesion
Conclude the essay by summarizing both sides of the argument succinctly and restating your opinion. This reinforces the overall message and provides a clear resolution to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of grammatical errors and use a range of complex structures accurately to convey your points more effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • connectivity
  • communicate
  • social media
  • virtual meetings
  • global community
  • isolation
  • distract
  • face-to-face interaction
  • personal connections
  • dependency
  • technology addiction
  • digital divide
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