IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people say that schools should spend more money on computers, others say that more money should be spent on teachers' wages. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

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Today, there is an opinion asserting a lot that can be inferred from the way that schools choose to teach. These interpretations can provide us with an insight into the cost of money spent on instructing by
computers
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 or tutors.
However
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, I personally believe that enhancement of the teaching system can take a sizeable part of a budget , especially by
computers
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 and it results in many problems
such
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 as financial consistency,
while
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,it will be more profitable if we use
teachers
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.I will discuss both sides in the next paragraphs. One point which some people believe that in favour of using
computers
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 for tutoring is they are common everywhere,
although
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, they need purchasing and if someone can not afford it , will not attend class.
For example
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, many courses are accessible easily, which makes an easy to search ,
on the other hand
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, schools could make online classes in which
students
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 do not need to be present.But, the only shortcoming about applying for
computers
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 is that people must have purchasing power to buy one of the
computers
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.
On the other hand
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, many societies employ
teachers
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 to instruct, who are really more in common and could tutor
students
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 in the best way.
For instance
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, a teacher could help
students
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 with their problems in learning new courses,since,
students
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 are learning new subjects and it is usually that have a problem with learning and who is more beneficial like tutors, in spite of
students
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 need to present classes and spend more time. In conclusion, learning courses by
teachers
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 or
computers
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 have their special advantages, which could be more profitable if schools use both
teachers
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 and
computers
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 together.

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task achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the task by discussing both views, and you express your opinion in the conclusion. However, there is room for improvement in the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your arguments are well-developed.
coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more connective words and phrases to improve logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. For example, instead of starting a sentence with 'For instance,' it might be smoother to say, 'Additionally, a teacher could help...'.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are effectively structured, providing a clear start and a wrap-up to the essay. This helps guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
You've successfully addressed both perspectives on the issue, which demonstrates your understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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