IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefit of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #benefit #mobility
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There is no doubt that recent
technology
Use synonyms
enhances
Wrong verb form
has enhanced
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people
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's lifestyles. Some
people
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 believe that working outside their
office
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 may have negative impacts and working performance issues,
while
Linking Words
 I tend to think remote working from anywhere may benefit employees and improve their
work
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-life balance more than working at
Use synonyms
office
Add an article
the office
an office
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. Many
people
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 think that remote working causes some negative effects on working performance. After the 2019 pandemic, we see a lot of
technology
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 companies,
such
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 as Agoda, Facebook, etc. allow their employees to
work
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 from anywhere. But
this
Linking Words
 situation causes some problems between colleagues'
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
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. To illustrate, working remotely for a long time could make them
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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in
Change preposition
apply
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connection because they could not talk or meet in real life.
And it
Correct word choice
It
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 may lead to another problem which is a lack of responses during
work
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if supervisors need their team to fix the problems caused during
work
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,
instead
Linking Words
 of it, they can fix it right away but they will need some time to call the team to solve the problem. Despite these drawbacks, using
technology
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 could
make
Verb problem
have
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 more positive impacts on
people
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's
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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.
People
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 can make their own schedule each day which does not depend on the company's policy. It will give
people
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 more flexibility, not just strict with the
office
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 hours.
For instance
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, I
work
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 remotely sometimes and I spend 2 days a week working from home.
While
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 I
work
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 at
work
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, I potentially have more time to exercise
and
Correct word choice
apply
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cook healthy food and do some activities with my family for the rest of the day. There are
also
Linking Words
 benefits to those who are
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
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. Because
technology
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 grows extremely fast
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 helps us be able to
work
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 during our vacation.
For instance
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, if we use ZOOM or online meeting applications, they really help us to communicate easier even if we go on
the
Correct article usage
a
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 trip. In conclusion, despite the drawbacks of working outside their
office
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,
such
Linking Words
 as a lack of responses and
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
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 connection, these must be considered against more flexibility and
work
Use synonyms
-life balance enhancement that remote working offers. In my opinion, I think these benefits outweigh all negative impacts.
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coherence cohesion
While your essay does present a clear position with an introduction and a conclusion, it would benefit from a more structured approach. Including a clear thesis statement in your introduction and summarizing your main points in your conclusion could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, but they could be more specific and detailed to enhance effectiveness. Aim to illustrate your points with clear, relevant examples that are directly tied to your argument for greater impact.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical progression is noticeable, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. Aim for better signposting, helping the reader anticipate what is coming. Strong topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can achieve this.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • telecommuting
  • remote work
  • flexible hours
  • work-life balance
  • cost-efficiency
  • carbon footprint
  • global talent pool
  • cybersecurity
  • data breaches
  • virtual collaboration
  • isolation
  • team cohesion
  • performance monitoring
  • accountability
  • hybrid working model
What to do next:
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