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Band 4.5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefit of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

#information #technology #people #work #workplace #benefit #mobility
There is no doubt that recent
technology
enhances
Wrong verb form
has enhanced
show examples
people
's lifestyles. Some
people
 believe that working outside their
office
 may have negative impacts and working performance issues,
while
 I tend to think remote working from anywhere may benefit employees and improve their
work
-life balance more than working at
office
Add an article
the office
an office
show examples
. Many
people
 think that remote working causes some negative effects on working performance. After the 2019 pandemic, we see a lot of
technology
 companies,
such
 as Agoda, Facebook, etc. allow their employees to
work
 from anywhere. But
this
 situation causes some problems between colleagues'
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
. To illustrate, working remotely for a long time could make them
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
connection because they could not talk or meet in real life.
And it
Correct word choice
It
show examples
 may lead to another problem which is a lack of responses during
work
.
For example
, if supervisors need their team to fix the problems caused during
work
,
instead
 of it, they can fix it right away but they will need some time to call the team to solve the problem. Despite these drawbacks, using
technology
 could
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more positive impacts on
people
's
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
.
People
 can make their own schedule each day which does not depend on the company's policy. It will give
people
 more flexibility, not just strict with the
office
 hours.
For instance
, I
work
 remotely sometimes and I spend 2 days a week working from home.
While
 I
work
 at
work
, I potentially have more time to exercise
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
cook healthy food and do some activities with my family for the rest of the day. There are
also
 benefits to those who are
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
. Because
technology
 grows extremely fast
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 helps us be able to
work
 during our vacation.
For instance
, if we use ZOOM or online meeting applications, they really help us to communicate easier even if we go on
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 trip. In conclusion, despite the drawbacks of working outside their
office
,
such
 as a lack of responses and
lost
Replace the word
loss
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 connection, these must be considered against more flexibility and
work
-life balance enhancement that remote working offers. In my opinion, I think these benefits outweigh all negative impacts.
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coherence cohesion
While your essay does present a clear position with an introduction and a conclusion, it would benefit from a more structured approach. Including a clear thesis statement in your introduction and summarizing your main points in your conclusion could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples to support your points, but they could be more specific and detailed to enhance effectiveness. Aim to illustrate your points with clear, relevant examples that are directly tied to your argument for greater impact.
coherence cohesion
The essay's logical progression is noticeable, but transitions between ideas can be smoother. Aim for better signposting, helping the reader anticipate what is coming. Strong topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph can achieve this.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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