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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

In many countries a small number of people earn extremely high salaries some people believe that this is good for the country, but other's think that goverments should not allow salaries above a certain level. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #salaries #country #goverments #level
There is a controversial issue today related to whether the stipend has to have a specific limit or has not been curbed because of some tangible benefits for the nations.
While
this
 will delve into the details of
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both points of view, it will
also
 shed
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
light on my opinion that will be elucidated,
along with
 some corporations.
To begin
 with, admittedly, the majority of nations offer
a high stipends
Correct the article-noun agreement
high stipends
a high stipend
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 for a small number of the public;
on the other hand
,plenty of citizens get
a low stipends
Correct the article-noun agreement
a low stipend
low stipends
show examples
.
Therefore
, there's no doubt,that some drawbacks were expressed on account of
this
 strategy. To illustrate
this
,
for instance
, in the U.K.,back in 1970,the stipend of the public was on a downward trend,the other pattern can be seen in some jobs which were restricted for a few individuals.
As a result
, plenty of people emigrated to other nations. Another drawback to the major companies was the number of
redundancy
Fix the agreement mistake
redundancies
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 increased dramatically.
Therefore
, the inflation,
as well as
 some fiscal crises were on the surge. In spite of the aforementioned clarifications,others claim in order to achieve some economic advantages ,what the government has to do is raise the salaries of specific people.With the aim of achieving
this
 strategy, the idea of a certain level of income has to be given up. To elucidate
this
,take Egypt as a clear example there are no boundaries to earning a high salary.The ensued of
this
 was In 2000 when its loan arrears ran down at a remarkably high level.
Moreover
, taxes and debt were curtailed significantly. In a nutshell, after a thorough analysis of the mentioned topic, it is predicted that it is not fair to offer high salaries for a handful number of the public,
whereas
 the majority of the public gets low income,because of the aforementioned clarifications.
While
 the mentioned clarifications support
this
 idea,
also
this
 is my firm belief
Submitted by nadeenelkenawy4425 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear and logical structure that is expected at the IELTS academic level. Consider organizing your essay into clear paragraphs, each with a single main idea that is developed and supported.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and a conclusion, which is positive. However, the introduction lacks a clear thesis statement, and the conclusion does not effectively summarize the main points discussed. Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and your stance, and that your conclusion reinforces your argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay require better development. Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph's main idea, and follow with several supporting sentences that include specific examples and detailed explanations.
task achievement
Your response partially addresses the task. However, it is somewhat difficult to follow your argument because the essay does not flow logically from one point to the next. Ensure that each paragraph directly contributes to answering the question and that your ideas progress naturally.
task achievement
Work on clarifying and expanding your ideas. It's important not only to state your opinion but to explain it thoroughly. Use specific examples to substantiate your points and make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Your essay lacks specific examples to illustrate the arguments you make. Including real-world examples or hypothetical scenarios can make your essay more convincing and engaging. Make sure that every main point is supported by at least one specific example.
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