IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Goverments shouls spend money on railways rether than roads. Towhat extent do you agree or disagree with statement?

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There are arguments regarding which focus
governments
Use synonyms
 should put
while
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 improving the transportation aspect. Many people believe that
railways
Use synonyms
 have more urgency,
while
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 others say that the budget should be allocated more
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 roads. I agree with the former statement since
railways
Use synonyms
 can connect wider regions and increase economic activities among territories.
To begin
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 with, constructing
railways
Use synonyms
 means that
governments
Use synonyms
 already made a strategic move to increase economic activities.
This
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 correlation happens since
railways
Use synonyms
 can make goods transportation faster.
Furthermore
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, railway stations that will be built can be a perfect arena for people to run their local businesses, as the place will be busy with all passengers coming every day.
For example
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, compared with the road cargo system which takes a week to transport goods from one place to another,
railways
Use synonyms
 can deliver any materials within 2 days. Another example can be seen in Jakarta. In 2023, the government launched a new railway station and the report tells that the economic growth of residents near the station increased by up to 50%.
As a result
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, with an efficient system of transportation and chances to promote local business,
railways
Use synonyms
 can boost the economic rate significantly.
Moreover
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,
railways
Use synonyms
 can connect wider regions.
This
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 can happen since
railways
Use synonyms
 can be constructed in thousand kilometres that will join several territories. As an intangible benefit,
railways
Use synonyms
 can support equitable developments.
For instance
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, in Indonesia,
railways
Use synonyms
 have connected Java and Sumatra islands.
Thus
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, all of the districts on both islands will be more reachable,
hence
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 the resources required for development will be equally distributed.
This
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 advantage will not be obtained if
governments
Use synonyms
 only focus on road regeneration.
To sum up
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, the importance of
railways
Use synonyms
 and roads is still debatable.
However
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, many people argue that
governments
Use synonyms
 should prioritize
railways
Use synonyms
 rather than roads. I believe with
this
Linking Words
 side since
railways
Use synonyms
 can give society many benefits,
such
Linking Words
 as becoming a liaison between provinces and increasing local economic growth.

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task achievement
Ensure a clear position throughout the response. While you have expressed agreement clearly, a more nuanced approach discussing potential drawbacks before asserting your opinion may contribute to a higher score in task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices. You have effectively structured the main body paragraphs, yet the essay would benefit from varied linking words and phrases to enhance readability.
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