IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money others argue that it is better to try and improve such situation discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #situation #job #shortage #money
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There is no denying that our lives have been always good. Some people assume naively that should endure inadequate circumstances,
while
 some other people argue that should make an effort to improve unsatisfactory positions. In
this
 essay, I shall discuss both viewpoints by giving proper examples. On the one hand, some human beings think that do not have the ability to do a demanding job,
furthermore
due to
 a lack of good career growth by their manager, they lose the intention to acquire high-level assignments,
nevertheless
 they will bear an insufficiency of money and will restrict to compulsory work. Some individuals do not have a good idea, plan, and mental preparation for leaving an unbearable situation.
For example
, If someone in a public setting can not resolve his
requirement
Fix the agreement mistake
requirements
show examples
 in his chores and errands and there is a lack of labor law can not boost skills to apply for a good position and a great deal of money.
On the other hand
, most folks concur
on
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 idea to make an attempt to enhance circumstances. They have a purpose in life and for each thing have a plan because they know not have a plan for everything they will not be successful person.
Nevertheless
, they
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
witness steady growth professionally, and year to year their income rises and to keep a high-level career.
For instance
, an individual who
choose
Change the verb form
chooses
show examples
 a permanent and fulfilling job,
they have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 high motivation for will do their tasks.
Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clarity in presenting ideas and structuring arguments logically. Consider using clear and concise sentences, and ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea followed by relevant supporting details.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are not clearly distinguishable and do not effectively present the main topic or summarize key points. Ensure that the essay begins with an introduction that clearly states the topic and your thesis, and ends with a conclusion that summarizes the discussion and restates your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Supporting points are underdeveloped and examples given are not specific enough or entirely relevant. Make sure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and that you provide concrete and specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
The response only partially addresses the task. Develop a more complete answer by thoroughly discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clearly stated personal opinion.
task achievement
Ideas are somewhat unclear and not comprehensively explained. It is essential to provide a more detailed exploration of the topic with clear and well-structured ideas.
task achievement
The provided examples lack specificity and do not adequately support the claims made. Use more precise and relevant examples to demonstrate your points and enhance the persuasiveness of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Contentment
  • Resilience
  • Personal growth
  • Endurance
  • Initiative
  • Advancement
  • Catalyst
  • Financial stability
  • Status quo
  • Innovation
  • Missed opportunities
  • Life satisfaction
  • Adverse situations
  • Taking control
  • Risk assessment
  • Change management
  • Self-improvement
  • Motivation
  • Stagnation
  • Proactivity
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