IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

beingselfish is considered a reason for job success? Give your opinion. Reasons with examples

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It's considered by some people, that selfishness is the leader to success. In my opinion, I disagree completely with
this
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, gaining experience comes from generosity
as well as
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 job development.
Firstly
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, gaining some experience comes from transferring information from one to another. If every person thinks to keep his knowledge around his circle,
then
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 work will be harder.
For example
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, if old generations decided to keep what they have learnt to themself like making food or producing goods, it will be hard to start every time all over again. So, it is important not to be selfish and share what we have learned by transferring it to others
as well as
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 gaining knowledge from them or others.
On the other hand
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, job development depends on sharing information. in any company or institute section, there are different departments with different specializations,
such
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 as IT, Survey, Civil, Human resources... etc. any part of them depends on the information from the other departments to continue the performance effectively. To illustrate, if there is a building construction project and the survey section refuses to give the architecture the survey data,
then
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 the work will be obstructed.
Although
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 any section has specialised tasks, the progress and development of their effort should be shared with others to demand the job continue.
To conclude
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, opposite what I thought , being selfish will not lead to success at all in either individual or collective work.
However
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, it's important to share knowledge and experience to demand growth and progress.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea with supporting sentences that directly relate to the main topic. Maintain focus and avoid extraneous information.
coherence cohesion
Use cohesive devices appropriately but avoid overusing them. Strive for a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs for a more polished and readable essay.
task achievement
Address the prompt fully, providing a clear opinion and thorough explanation of your views with relevant examples.
task achievement
Work on developing your examples further to ensure they effectively illustrate and support your arguments.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Ambitious
  • Driven
  • Motivated
  • Goal-oriented
  • Risk-taker
  • Self-centered
  • Opportunistic
  • Assertive
  • Confident
  • Self-promotion
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