Countries with a longer average working day are more likely to be economically successful, but may suffer from negative social consequences as a result. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views?
In
this
era, the nations which have higher standard time
for working day, are becoming rich but they have some problem
with their Fix the agreement mistake
problems
people
as payment for this
policy. I really do agree with the fact that bigger
economy always makes Correct article usage
a bigger
peoples
life better and easier,so I choose to Change noun form
people's
work
more hours to make more money
. in
Capitalize word
In
this
essay, I will write about posetive
Correct your spelling
positive
points
of this
policy in next
2 paragraphs, Correct article usage
the next
then
I will discuss about
my final opinion as a Remove the preposition
apply
conclution
.
First of all,Correct your spelling
conclusion
in
Change preposition
apply
the
most countries with more Correct article usage
apply
working
Replace the word
work
time
are paying more money
to a
Correct article usage
apply
people
who are working, so people
are making more money
than usual . Having more money
can usualy
keep Correct your spelling
usually
people
safe from social peoblems
. Correct your spelling
problems
For example
, in the U.S.A there is no rule about how much a person has to work
in companies but most people
want to work
more and earn more money
because they know that there is nothing that they can do with more free time
, but there are to many option
which they can have with more Change to a plural noun
options
money
. After all, if some
Correct your spelling
somebody
body
works more he will gain more and when some
Correct your spelling
somebody
body
gains more most of the times
there is less chance for him to face Fix the agreement mistake
time
with
social Change preposition
apply
problem
.
Another point of more working hours is the fact that Fix the agreement mistake
problems
people
will feel more responsible for the country which
they are livingChange preposition
in which
in
. It is obvious that if Change preposition
apply
some
Correct your spelling
somebody
body
has to work
more for a goal, he would pay more attention to that goal. For example
, in most south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
asian
countries Change the capitalization
Asian
people
are working more than average
Correct article usage
the average
of
Change preposition
apply
the
world, and Correct article usage
apply
also
they are paying more attention to thier
society and homeland. If Correct your spelling
their
some
Correct your spelling
somebody
body
feel
responsible for his nation he will suffer less for social disadvantages and Change the verb form
feels
also
will be more respectful for
the laws.
In Change preposition
of
conclution
,in Correct your spelling
conclusion
this
modern era of information, Some social problems came
to be as a Wrong verb form
have come
results
of more working Correct the article-noun agreement
result
time
in some places of the world. but as I wrote before more working hours makes
more Correct subject-verb agreement
make
money
for the
society and Correct article usage
apply
also
makes
more responsible Correct subject-verb agreement
make
people
for a nation who canbe
really Correct your spelling
can be
can
help ful
to save others from negative Correct your spelling
helpful
points
of that law. on
my opinion working more has Change the preposition
in
it's
own negative Replace the word
its
points
such
as weaker conection
between Correct your spelling
connection
connections
people
but this
law's posetive
Correct your spelling
positive
points
are more than enought
to Correct your spelling
enough
convice
me to be sure that Correct your spelling
convince
this
action really worths
.Replace the word
worthwhile
Submitted by mohamad.tavalari2008 on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure, which makes it difficult to follow. Consider using clear topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph, and transitions to signal shifts in argument or to add new points.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and conciseness. Work on presenting your thesis statement more explicitly in the introduction, and summarise your argument effectively in the conclusion without introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
The main points are presented but not strongly supported with evidence or examples. Improve the essay by offering clear examples and elaborating on how they relate to the point you're making.
task achievement
The response to the task is somewhat general and lacks depth. Aim for a more thorough exploration of the topic, clearly addressing the extent to which you agree or disagree and why.
task achievement
Ideas presented are relevant but not developed comprehensively. Spend additional time expanding on your thoughts and explaining the reasoning behind them for better task achievement.
task achievement
Examples used to support arguments are not specific enough. Incorporate more detailed and specific instances that directly support your thesis to enhance the persuasive power of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.