IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Is music really something vital in humans life? give your opinion

#music #humans #life
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Music
 is a universal language that transcends cultural barriers. It is undeniable that listening to
music
is
Verb problem
has
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 one of the most psychological
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
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 on human emotions and
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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moods in the
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 world.
This
 essay
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 will explain how chords
affects
Change the verb form
affect
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 individual in
daily
Correct pronoun usage
their daily
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 lifestyle and
the
Change the word
their
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 adaptation
from
Change preposition
to
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 it.
Firstly
,
music
 is a tool for memorizing and learning difficult courses.
For instance
, teacher
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
 their fellow student to learn
periodic
Correct article usage
the periodic
show examples
 table by singing.
Moreover
, it is a form of cultural
indentity
Correct your spelling
identity
 and expression, which will not only help in social bonding but
also
builds
Correct subject-verb agreement
build
show examples
 community from different regions and help people to interact with one another
as well as
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
have an opportunity to improve their communication skills.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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this
, it
also
 aids in medication which can make one relaxed and treat mental health problems. Singers like Taylor Swift had turned economic impact when she was on world tour
due to
 which
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 earned revenue and can contribute to livelihood.
Furthermore
, the role of
music
 can anticipate in physical performance and motivate people from different age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
. As
such
 it can be concluded that notes not only
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 an impact on people physically but
also
 emotionally.
Submitted by simransokhal50 on

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coherence and cohesion
Your essay does not have a clear logical structure. The ideas are presented randomly without clear connections or transitions between them. To improve, you should organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a single focus, and use transition words to connect ideas smoothly.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present but lack clarity and strength. A strong introduction should paraphrase the question, outline the main points of the discussion, and include a thesis statement. A strong conclusion should summarize the main points and restate your opinion. Consider revising these sections for more impact.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are supported, but the support could be stronger and more focused. Use specific examples to back up your arguments and provide more detailed explanations for your points. Each paragraph should ideally contain one clear idea with supporting details.
task achievement
You have addressed the task to a basic extent, but your response should be more complete. It seems that you have not fully developed your argument about music's vital role in human life. Be sure to cover all aspects of the topic and give a balanced view if the task requires it.
task achievement
The ideas you've introduced are somewhat clear, but they are presented superficially. To elevate your work, ensure you delve deeper into each idea, elaborating with more comprehensive explanations and expanding on how they support your opinion regarding the vital role of music in human life.
task achievement
While you have provided some examples, they are not as relevant and specific as they could be to the topic. To improve your score, offer more detailed examples that directly relate to the thesis and demonstrate how music is vital in human life across different contexts and scenarios.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Transcultural
  • Cognitive function
  • Mood regulation
  • Social cohesion
  • Therapeutic benefits
  • Culture preservation
  • Artistic expression
  • Economic contribution
  • Motivational tool
  • Intrinsic value
  • Auditory stimuli
  • Emotional resonance
  • Neurological impact
  • Memory recall
  • Cultural heritage
What to do next:
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