IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 1

Scientists use living animal to carry out research. Some people think it is interesting, while some other people think it is cruel. What is your opinion?

#scientists #research #people
scientists use animals to carry out research and to some people it is interesting and to
some
Add a comma
some,
show examples
 it is not.
in
Capitalize word
In
show examples
this
 essay
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will list out the reasons why
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 feel it is ok to use living
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 research
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.
this
 is because new medicine or technology
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be tested first and
firstly
, with the
newly
Change the word
new
show examples
 disease recently discovered with no vaccine or medication to cure it, we need to find new
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 for it and it involves a lot of research that
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be done. the newly invented vaccine or medication
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
 to be tested first
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 living
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
 before being introduced to living
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
for example
 , the covid 19 outbreak that has a new vaccine on the way when the outbreak happened and all the testing being done
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 living
animal
Fix the agreement mistake
animals
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
moreover
morever
Correct your spelling
Moreover
, as the disease
keep
Correct subject-verb agreement
keeps
show examples
 on evolving and
replicate
Wrong verb form
replicating
show examples
Submitted by fatin on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your essay does not follow a clear logical structure, with ideas being presented in an unorganized manner. Develop a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion to improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
There is no clear conclusion in your essay. Each essay should have a distinct introduction and conclusion to frame your argument effectively.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the main points are supported by concrete examples or explanations to bolster your argument.
task achievement
Your response seems incomplete as you haven't developed a full argument with sufficient explanation or conclusion. Expanding your points and providing a conclusion would make for a more comprehensive essay.
task achievement
You've presented some clear ideas and relevant examples about the necessity of animal testing, but further development of these ideas and a more in-depth exploration would strengthen your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: