IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, a growing numbers of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

#numbers #people #health #alternative #medicines #treatments #doctor #development
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There is no denying the fact that curing
of
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apply
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diseases is something crucial for all people.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that these days numerous
patients
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 prefer to search for
alternative
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medicines
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 and
treatments
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 rather than going to visit their usual physician, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my opinion, I consider that if ill humans seek
for
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apply
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alternative
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medicines
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 without the consultation of their doctors, a lot of drawbacks will happen.
To begin
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 with, nowadays, some
patients
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 can
use
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alternative
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treatments
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.
In other words
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, when a doctor
have
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has
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 tried to prescribe various kinds of
treatments
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 for his patient, but unfortunately, the condition of his patient does not improve,
so
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apply
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the physician may give him
an advice
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advice
a piece of advice
a bit of advice
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 to
use
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alternative
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medicines
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.
In addition
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, sometimes, these
alternative
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 ways of curing result in amazing results
for
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in
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 some cases.
For example
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, doctors recommend using Chinese ways of
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treatments
Fix the agreement mistake
treatment
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 for some hopeless cases of cancer and they exert positive effects. Another point to consider,
excellent
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the excellent
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 results of
alternative
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treatments
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 for some cases make it renowned, particularly among
patients
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 in our era. It is
also
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 possible to say that
this
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 good
repute
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reputation
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 encourages some other
patients
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 to go directly for
alternative
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medicines
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 without a
doctor
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doctor's
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 order.
Consequently
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, some issues arise
as a result
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 of
this
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 behaviour.
Moreover
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, the conditions of these
patients
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 become
more
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apply
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worse, as they do not ask any healthcare specialist to
use
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this
Linking Words
 kind of medicine.
For instance
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, in Egypt, some
patients
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 suffered from cough, so they used
Koko
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the Koko
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 herbal plant by themselves for treatment,
two
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and two
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 of them died. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
alternative
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medicines
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 will cause serious negative consequences if
patients
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use
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it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 directly without the right diagnosis from their doctors.
Submitted by sm710129 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear introduction and conclusion which are vital components of the structure. An introduction should outline your main points and position, while the conclusion should summarize your arguments and restate your opinion. Ensure your essay includes these to provide clarity to your readers.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a logical sequence in the body paragraphs, transitions between ideas could be improved to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Make use of cohesive devices such as 'furthermore', 'however', and 'therefore' to better connect your ideas.
task achievement
You have partially addressed the prompt by discussing the drawbacks of using alternative medicines without professional guidance. To fully satisfy the task, consider discussing both sides of the argument or more clearly stating if you believe it's a positive or negative development, with relevant examples and explanations supporting your view.
task achievement
While your ideas are generally clear, your position on the matter is not explicitly stated in the introduction, and your conclusion is missing. Clarify your viewpoint at the beginning and end of your essay to strengthen task achievement.
task achievement
You have provided specific examples to support your argument, but lack a variety of examples. To achieve a higher score, use a range of examples, including facts, research, or hypothetical situations to illustrate your points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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