Some people say that when children under 18 are committing a crime they should be punished, while others believe they should be educated. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.
When a person becomes a teenager, there are numerous threats that follow them around
as a result
of the state Linking Words
their
bodiesChange preposition
of their
are at
. One of the greatest struggles in Verb problem
apply
this
age is the thin line of responsibilities of transforming into an adult. There are many who believe that children under 18 should still be held responsible, Linking Words
however
, some others state that education is the only correct Linking Words
path
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
such
Linking Words
age
. As we look deeper into the issue, Correct article usage
an age
it is clear that
the latter’s response is the better one.
For starters, the youth Linking Words
are
what we have invested our Change the verb form
is
future
in and putting them behind bars would hurt them and ourselves equally. Use synonyms
Thus
, if people take the approach Linking Words
to
just Change preposition
of
teach
them the mistakes in their ways, we can save ourselves a lot of money and other Wrong verb form
teaching
sources
that were spent to raise that kid. Correct your spelling
resources
Moreover
, as these people still have Linking Words
a
young and formable Correct article usage
apply
mind
, learning comes naturally to them. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Therefore
, they will understand the issue with what they did much easier than an adult would. Linking Words
This
means even educating them would be financially more beneficial. Linking Words
As a result
, less valuable resources would go to waste and just Linking Words
instead
with little to no Linking Words
investment
they will be part of the cycle of life.
Add a comma
investment,
On
a moral point of view, the crimes they commit are the aftermath of the lessons the previous generation teaches them. It must be our responsibility that Change preposition
From
such
innocent creatures have gone so stray Linking Words
of
their Change preposition
off
path
arriving at Use synonyms
such
places. Linking Words
In other words
, a teenager’s Linking Words
behavior
is the reflection of what they have seen in their parents, teachers and nowadays even media. Change the spelling
behaviour
As a result
, it would not be fair to punish them, letting the real culprit who led them that way Linking Words
get away
. Yet, if education becomes the Correct your spelling
getaway
path
to take, Use synonyms
then
there might be a bright Linking Words
future
where the kids help the adults make the right Use synonyms
decision
. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
This
is backed by an experiment done in Ireland by AUT, that showed kids whose Linking Words
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
don
not come home drunk have Correct your spelling
do
less
issues with alcohol than the ones who do.
In conclusion, these kids are the Change the quantifier
fewer
future
of the planet and punishing them for their mistakes is only the quick way out not the actual fix. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, it should not be forgotten that it was the previous generations Linking Words
miss
Verb problem
apply
behaviors
that led the youth Correct your spelling
misbehaviour
then
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
path
. Use synonyms
Consequently
, I firmly believe that people under the age Linking Words
18
should be taught and Change preposition
of 18
this
approach could help them become responsible adults in the Linking Words
future
.Use synonyms
Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on
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logical structure
Your essay presents a logical structure but could be improved by addressing counter-arguments and incorporating a more balanced discussion. Consider presenting both sides of the debate before stating your position clearly.
introduction conclusion present
You have included both an introduction and conclusion which is commendable. For an even stronger impact, ensure that your thesis statement is clearly defined and your conclusion summarises your main points effectively.
supported main points
Your main points are supported with explanations, but to enhance your score, use more varied and precise examples. Specific real-life case studies or statistics would add weight to your argument.
complete response
While you have completed the task, to reach a higher band, fully address all parts of the prompt. Make certain your opinion is presented with clarity throughout the essay, and avoid tangential content.
clear comprehensive ideas
The clarity and development of your ideas are generally good, but strive for greater depth in your arguments. Include more detailed reasoning and showcase a range of complex sentence structures to articulate your thoughts more effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant but lack specificity. Use concrete examples to substantiate your points. Detailing studies, citing statistics, or including anecdotes could make your argument more persuasive and improve your score substantially.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example