Some people say that when children under 18 are committing a crime they should be punished, while others believe they should be educated. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion.
When a person becomes a teenager, there are numerous threats that follow them around
as a result
of the state their
bodiesChange preposition
of their
are at
. One of the greatest struggles in Verb problem
apply
this
age is the thin line of responsibilities of transforming into an adult. There are many who believe that children under 18 should still be held responsible, however
, some others state that education is the only correct path
in
Change preposition
at
such
age
. As we look deeper into the issue, Correct article usage
an age
it is clear that
the latter’s response is the better one.
For starters, the youth are
what we have invested our Change the verb form
is
future
in and putting them behind bars would hurt them and ourselves equally. Thus
, if people take the approach to
just Change preposition
of
teach
them the mistakes in their ways, we can save ourselves a lot of money and other Wrong verb form
teaching
sources
that were spent to raise that kid. Correct your spelling
resources
Moreover
, as these people still have a
young and formable Correct article usage
apply
mind
, learning comes naturally to them. Fix the agreement mistake
minds
Therefore
, they will understand the issue with what they did much easier than an adult would. This
means even educating them would be financially more beneficial. As a result
, less valuable resources would go to waste and just instead
with little to no investment
they will be part of the cycle of life.
Add a comma
investment,
On
a moral point of view, the crimes they commit are the aftermath of the lessons the previous generation teaches them. It must be our responsibility that Change preposition
From
such
innocent creatures have gone so stray of
their Change preposition
off
path
arriving at such
places. In other words
, a teenager’s behavior
is the reflection of what they have seen in their parents, teachers and nowadays even media. Change the spelling
behaviour
As a result
, it would not be fair to punish them, letting the real culprit who led them that way get away
. Yet, if education becomes the Correct your spelling
getaway
path
to take, then
there might be a bright future
where the kids help the adults make the right decision
. Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
This
is backed by an experiment done in Ireland by AUT, that showed kids whose parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
don
not come home drunk have Correct your spelling
do
less
issues with alcohol than the ones who do.
In conclusion, these kids are the Change the quantifier
fewer
future
of the planet and punishing them for their mistakes is only the quick way out not the actual fix. Furthermore
, it should not be forgotten that it was the previous generations miss
Verb problem
apply
behaviors
that led the youth Correct your spelling
misbehaviour
then
this
path
. Consequently
, I firmly believe that people under the age 18
should be taught and Change preposition
of 18
this
approach could help them become responsible adults in the future
.Submitted by mohammad.bameri.1380 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
logical structure
Your essay presents a logical structure but could be improved by addressing counter-arguments and incorporating a more balanced discussion. Consider presenting both sides of the debate before stating your position clearly.
introduction conclusion present
You have included both an introduction and conclusion which is commendable. For an even stronger impact, ensure that your thesis statement is clearly defined and your conclusion summarises your main points effectively.
supported main points
Your main points are supported with explanations, but to enhance your score, use more varied and precise examples. Specific real-life case studies or statistics would add weight to your argument.
complete response
While you have completed the task, to reach a higher band, fully address all parts of the prompt. Make certain your opinion is presented with clarity throughout the essay, and avoid tangential content.
clear comprehensive ideas
The clarity and development of your ideas are generally good, but strive for greater depth in your arguments. Include more detailed reasoning and showcase a range of complex sentence structures to articulate your thoughts more effectively.
relevant specific examples
Your examples are relevant but lack specificity. Use concrete examples to substantiate your points. Detailing studies, citing statistics, or including anecdotes could make your argument more persuasive and improve your score substantially.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!