Some people think that you can only learn about the cultures of different places by traveling there. Other people think that you can learn just as much about these places from reading books and watching travel documentaries about them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

#people #cultures #places #books #travel #documentaries

Many

people

argue that cultures can only be studied by going to the country directly

while

others claim that it can

obtain

Wrong verb form

be obtained

show examples

from reading books or watching

travel

videos.

this

essay will discuss each

views

Change to a singular noun

view

show examples

initially

, by directly going to certain countries, we can learn from the locals and

circumstences

Correct your spelling

circumstances

wuthout

Correct your spelling

without

deviation.

Travelers

Change the spelling

Travellers

show examples

can experience living in other countries and adjusting their habits based on what they see and how they feel. Another advantage which they

are not only learn

Change the verb form

are not only learning

show examples

about

trandision

Correct your spelling

tradition

traditions

transition

but

also

their education and

administrations

Fix the agreement mistake

administration

show examples

However

, it requires a

big

Correct word choice

large

show examples

amount of money and it limits

people

to have a trip. In terms of other resources,

ricently

Correct your spelling

recently

, many

alternative

Change to a plural noun

alternatives

show examples

have been provided to learn , globally, including

culturs

Correct your spelling

cultures

culture

from the whole world. Many books and

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

videos are easy to access and they

also

provide

vary

Replace the word

various

show examples

information.

This

is provided for

people

who cannot be able to

travel

but want to know other cultures.

For instance

, nowadays, there are many

travel

vlogs by actors and online platform influencers which in they show how live in other countries and they inform the viewers about their cultures

such

Correct your spelling

show examples

trandisional

Correct your spelling

traditional

clothes and foods. Meanwhile, it is sometimes not as

acurate

Correct your spelling

accurate

as what real

travelers

Change the spelling

travellers

show examples

obtain when

visit

Change the verb form

visiting

show examples

the country, because some information can be manipulated

jus

Correct your spelling

just

show examples

for getting

Change preposition

to get

show examples

viewers.

To sum up

, both

alternative

Change to a plural noun

alternatives

show examples

has some

benefit

Fix the agreement mistake

benefits

show examples

and it depends on

people

Change noun form

people's

show examples

ability to

travel

. If their

financial

Replace the word

finances

show examples

cannot support them to

travel

they can use books or

travel

videos to find

culture

Replace the word

cultural

show examples

information.

Submitted by misstiasclassroom on Fri Jan 05 2024

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coherence cohesion

The essay maintains a basic logical structure but lacks strong cohesion. Transitions between points are not always smooth and there's a need to use a wider range of linking words for better flow. Frequent grammatical errors also disrupt the logical progression of ideas.

task achievement

You addressed the task adequately with a brief discussion of both views and a conclusion stating your opinion. However, the development of the main points is uneven and some ideas are repeated. Use specific, detailed examples to support your points and ensure the response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your opinion should be clearly stated and consistently maintained throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
26Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

255 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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