Some people think that you can only learn about the cultures of different places by traveling there. Other people think that you can learn just as much about these places from reading books and watching travel documentaries about them. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

Many
people
argue that cultures can only be studied by going to the country directly
while
others claim that it can
obtain
Wrong verb form
be obtained
show examples
from reading books or watching
travel
videos.
this
essay will discuss each
views
Change to a singular noun
view
show examples
.
initially
, by directly going to certain countries, we can learn from the locals and
circumstences
Correct your spelling
circumstances
wuthout
Correct your spelling
without
deviation.
Travelers
Change the spelling
Travellers
show examples
can experience living in other countries and adjusting their habits based on what they see and how they feel. Another advantage which they
are not only learn
Change the verb form
are not only learning
show examples
about
trandision
Correct your spelling
tradition
traditions
transition
but
also
their education and
administrations
Fix the agreement mistake
administration
show examples
.
However
, it requires a
big
Correct word choice
large
show examples
amount of money and it limits
people
to have a trip. In terms of other resources,
ricently
Correct your spelling
recently
, many
alternative
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alternatives
show examples
have been provided to learn , globally, including
culturs
Correct your spelling
cultures
culture
from the whole world. Many books and
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
videos are easy to access and they
also
provide
vary
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various
show examples
information.
This
is provided for
people
who cannot be able to
travel
but want to know other cultures.
For instance
, nowadays, there are many
travel
vlogs by actors and online platform influencers which in they show how live in other countries and they inform the viewers about their cultures
such
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
trandisional
Correct your spelling
traditional
clothes and foods. Meanwhile, it is sometimes not as
acurate
Correct your spelling
accurate
as what real
travelers
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travellers
show examples
obtain when
visit
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visiting
show examples
the country, because some information can be manipulated
jus
Correct your spelling
just
show examples
for getting
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to get
show examples
viewers.
To sum up
, both
alternative
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alternatives
show examples
has some
benefit
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benefits
show examples
and it depends on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
ability to
travel
. If their
financial
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finances
show examples
cannot support them to
travel
they can use books or
travel
videos to find
culture
Replace the word
cultural
show examples
information.
Submitted by misstiasclassroom on

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coherence cohesion
The essay maintains a basic logical structure but lacks strong cohesion. Transitions between points are not always smooth and there's a need to use a wider range of linking words for better flow. Frequent grammatical errors also disrupt the logical progression of ideas.
task achievement
You addressed the task adequately with a brief discussion of both views and a conclusion stating your opinion. However, the development of the main points is uneven and some ideas are repeated. Use specific, detailed examples to support your points and ensure the response fully addresses all parts of the task. Your opinion should be clearly stated and consistently maintained throughout the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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