IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others; however, believed that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion Write your response not less than 250 words. You get 40 minutes to complete this task

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The existence and importance of Zoos was always debatable has now become controversial with many people claiming that it is beneficial for the
animals
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 others reject
this
Linking Words
 notion. The substantial influence of
this
Linking Words
 trend has sparked controversy over
the
Change the word
its
show examples
 potential impact in recent years. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the former proposition that the place where wild
animals
Use synonyms
 are kept in cages
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 discomforting and should be shut
permanenly
Correct your spelling
permanently
 is rational.
This
Linking Words
 essay will
further
Linking Words
 elaborate my views for favouring the negative impact. Analyzing the statement and explaining
further
Linking Words
, the first and foremost reason behind
that is
Linking Words
 the
ill-treatement
Correct your spelling
ill-treatment
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
animals
Use synonyms
 by some visitors is detrimental for them as they even get abused in some cases.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a curious individual throws some food item on a monkey in a cage just to get a reaction results in making it furious which leads to a bad effect on him
as well as
Linking Words
 the person.
Therefore
Linking Words
, we can opt for a variety of Geographic channels available on television and social media platforms that can give us a better experience and vast knowledge
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
 creatures without disturbing their lives. Probing ahead the main underlying reason stems from the fact that Captive
animals
Use synonyms
 are forced to live a stressful and boring lifestyle away from their natural habitat and social structures resulting in depression, anxiety and
also
Linking Words
 early
deaths
Fix the agreement mistake
death
show examples
. Take Elephants
for example
Linking Words
, they walk
almost
Rephrase
apply
show examples
more than 20km in the wild, but they are unable to do the same and they just pace around their enclosures which does not allow them
mental
Change preposition
for mental
show examples
 and physical health.
Hence
Linking Words
, humans should keep their selfishness aside and leave these wild
animals
Use synonyms
 to live their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 in their own world. To recapitulate,
according to
Linking Words
 the reasons mentioned above, one can reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 conclusion
thatthe
Correct your spelling
that the
 zoos should be closed down for the safety and betterment of our
wild life
Correct your spelling
wildlife
show examples
 creatures.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion present
Ensure that you present a clear introduction and a conclusion that summarizes your main points effectively. Your introduction should provide a succinct background on the issue and state your thesis clearly, while your conclusion should restate your position and summarize the arguments made in the body of the essay without introducing new information.
logical structure
The essay should follow a logical structure with clear and cohesive paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on one main point, and use appropriate transition words to move smoothly between ideas. Avoid writing overly long sentences, as they can become confusing and hinder the flow of your arguments.
supported main points
Each main point discussed in the essay should be supported by specific examples or evidence. This adds credibility to your argument and demonstrates a strong understanding of the topic. Avoid making unsupported generalizations.
complete response
The response must address all parts of the task prompt effectively. Make sure to discuss both views on the issue and provide your own opinion. Your views should be developed with explanations and, where possible, examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ideas should be expressed clearly and be easily comprehensible. Work on organising your thoughts so that the reader can follow along without difficulty. Use a diverse vocabulary and sentence structure to articulate your points more clearly and make the essay more engaging.
relevant specific examples
Use relevant and specific examples to support each idea you introduce. This helps to illustrate your points and make your argument more persuasive. Avoid vague statements and strive for precision in your examples.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: