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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
Nowadays,many people argue that
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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 of certain species of flora and fauna is the major problem of biodiversity.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 others suggest that there are more crucial issues which cause
grear
Correct your spelling
great
 damage to our planet. To my way of thinking,
although
 diminishing
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
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 is important,global warming might
effect
Verb problem
cause
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 more
distruction
Correct your spelling
destruction
 to our ecosystem.
One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the one hand,each animal takes a colossal role in
Add an article
the biologic
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biologic
Replace the word
biological
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 chain of nutrition.
In other words
,
disappearance
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the disappearance
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 of certain species
provoke
Change the verb form
provokes
show examples
 disbalance in a food resource.
Consequently
,
such
phenomenon
Correct article usage
a phenomenon
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 leads to
dying out
Verb problem
the death
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 of other creatures,which
consumed
Wrong verb form
consumes
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 them.
For example
,
vanishing
Correct article usage
the vanishing
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 of frogs in lakes,contributed to the reduction of herons.
Furthermore
,it has an impact
to
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on
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growth
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the growth
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 of insects,
such
 as mosquitos and flies.
This
affected
Verb problem
caused
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a
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apply
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huge damage
for
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to
show examples
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
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 and farming sectors,as they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
destroyed plants
on
Change preposition
in
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 the fields.
On the other hand
, some individuals
assure
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that global warming is changing not only climate
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
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,
however
 it
caused
Wrong verb form
causing
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 enormously
on
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apply
show examples
whole biodiversity.
For instance
,the quantity of polar bears has been dropping dramatically for
last
Correct article usage
the last
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 decades,
in
Change preposition
by
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 virtue of climbing temperatures. These figures are extremely high for their
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
. Another example is the shortage of
coralls
Correct your spelling
corals
corrals
 in
Indian
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the Indian
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ocean
Capitalize word
Ocean
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. Marine life and
aquatic
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the aquatic
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 world
is
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are
show examples
 faced with
catastrophy
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
,because of
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
water temperature and
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
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in
Change preposition
of
show examples
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of fishes,which
used
Wrong verb form
use
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 coralls as
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
.
In
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
 has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 the most significant problem
to save
Change preposition
in saving
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 the normal habitat for all the animals existing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the globe. In conclusion, I believe that global warming is the main
concerning
Replace the word
concern
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 of present times. It is
nesessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to save
planet
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the planet
show examples
 and all the species which are dying out because of human impact and tackle with problems causing these issues.
Submitted by lazizaa0799 on

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Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear position throughout, engaging directly with the prompt. However, it lacks a full development of ideas in some parts. It would benefit from further exploration and explanation on how each environmental problem impacts the ecosystem. To better fulfill the task requirement, aim to discuss the implications of each view with depth and provide more detailed examples to support your perspective for a higher band score.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some organization of ideas; however, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be enhanced to improve the reader's ability to follow the argument. There are instances of repetition which disturb the flow of information. To improve coherence and cohesion, employ a wider range of linking devices and synonyms effectively. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph would also help to strengthen the logical flow of your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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