IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems

#people #time #loss #species #plants #animals
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,many people argue that
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
 of certain species of flora and fauna is the major problem of biodiversity.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
show examples
 others suggest that there are more crucial issues which cause
grear
Correct your spelling
great
 damage to our planet. To my way of thinking,
although
 diminishing
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
 of
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
show examples
 is important,global warming might
effect
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 more
distruction
Correct your spelling
destruction
 to our ecosystem.
One
Correct your spelling
On
show examples
 the one hand,each animal takes a colossal role in
Add an article
the biologic
show examples
biologic
Replace the word
biological
show examples
 chain of nutrition.
In other words
,
disappearance
Add an article
the disappearance
show examples
 of certain species
provoke
Change the verb form
provokes
show examples
 disbalance in a food resource.
Consequently
,
such
phenomenon
Correct article usage
a phenomenon
show examples
 leads to
dying out
Verb problem
the death
show examples
 of other creatures,which
consumed
Wrong verb form
consumes
show examples
 them.
For example
,
vanishing
Correct article usage
the vanishing
show examples
 of frogs in lakes,contributed to the reduction of herons.
Furthermore
,it has an impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
growth
Add an article
the growth
show examples
 of insects,
such
 as mosquitos and flies.
This
affected
Verb problem
caused
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
huge damage
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
agriculture
Correct article usage
the agriculture
show examples
 and farming sectors,as they
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
destroyed plants
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the fields.
On the other hand
, some individuals
assure
Verb problem
say
show examples
 that global warming is changing not only climate
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
,
however
 it
caused
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
 enormously
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whole biodiversity.
For instance
,the quantity of polar bears has been dropping dramatically for
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 decades,
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 virtue of climbing temperatures. These figures are extremely high for their
existance
Correct your spelling
existence
. Another example is the shortage of
coralls
Correct your spelling
corals
corrals
 in
Indian
Add an article
the Indian
show examples
ocean
Capitalize word
Ocean
show examples
. Marine life and
aquatic
Add an article
the aquatic
show examples
 world
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 faced with
catastrophy
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
,because of
rising
Correct article usage
the rising
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
water temperature and
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
 of fishes,which
used
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
 coralls as
home
Correct article usage
a home
show examples
.
In
Correct your spelling
It
show examples
 has
became
Change the form of the verb
become
show examples
 the most significant problem
to save
Change preposition
in saving
show examples
 the normal habitat for all the animals existing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the globe. In conclusion, I believe that global warming is the main
concerning
Replace the word
concern
show examples
 of present times. It is
nesessary
Correct your spelling
necessary
 to save
planet
Add an article
the planet
show examples
 and all the species which are dying out because of human impact and tackle with problems causing these issues.
Submitted by lazizaa0799 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Your essay provides a clear position throughout, engaging directly with the prompt. However, it lacks a full development of ideas in some parts. It would benefit from further exploration and explanation on how each environmental problem impacts the ecosystem. To better fulfill the task requirement, aim to discuss the implications of each view with depth and provide more detailed examples to support your perspective for a higher band score.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay demonstrates some organization of ideas; however, transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be enhanced to improve the reader's ability to follow the argument. There are instances of repetition which disturb the flow of information. To improve coherence and cohesion, employ a wider range of linking devices and synonyms effectively. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph would also help to strengthen the logical flow of your argument.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • biodiversity
  • extinction
  • habitat loss
  • ecosystem
  • food chain
  • imbalance
  • interconnected
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • personal actions
  • policy changes
  • education
  • awareness
What to do next:
Look at other essays: