IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Some people think that craft lessons play an essential role in a child’s evolution like many other subjects so it should be a necessary work in high schools.
This
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 author disagrees with that argument
due to
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 the more stress it gives to us and the lack of a career in the future. It is vital to think that, artistry is important in developing creation, and the aesthetic qualities of adolescence but
profession
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the profession
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 is a subject that you should have your initial gift and hobby to improve your related
skills
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
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, if you referred profession to as the main topic in
high
Correct word choice
higher
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 education, it would be a huge pressure on pupils, who do not have any knowledge, experience, or
skills
Use synonyms
 in that major,
due to
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 the difficulty of
this
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 scale. Take many high schools in Vietnam as an instance, they just see art as an additional talented and intelligent subject that not all people can do well and reduce the nervous feeling about their scores.
Nevertheless
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, artistry has an immense influence on the development of children’s talent.
This
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 may be true but spending a fortune and time on it is pointless
due to
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 the unrealistic facts of it in the future vocations and jobs.
Consequently
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, artist in Vietnam was the perfect example, unless you have any expected
skills
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, you will not have any chance of professions or employment opportunities and be wealthy with that work.
As a result
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, many typical Asian parents believe that artists, actors, and singers are always at the top of unemployed careers and
that is
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 the fact in many Asia, except Korea.
To sum up
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, art helps us with an impressive creation and thinking that will be shown through many designs and investigations in our future walk of life but it should not be a necessary subject as science or social topics
due to
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 its drawbacks like lack of opportunity of occupation and the useless
skills
Use synonyms
 for traditional studying.

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introduction conclusion
Ensure that the introduction clearly presents the main argument. The introduction is somewhat vague about the extent of agreement or disagreement.
logical structure
Work on creating smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance coherence and make the essay easier to follow.
relevant specific examples
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your main points. The examples given are somewhat unclear and not entirely relevant.
supported main points
Make sure each paragraph clearly supports the overall argument or counter-argument. Some sentences seem disjointed and do not effectively support the main points.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear stance on the issue.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay recognizes both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main argument, emphasizing the perceived downsides of making art compulsory in high schools.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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