IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010.

The graph shows the proportion of energy that was produced from coal in four European countries from 1995 to 2010.
#proportion #energy #four #european #countries
The graph delineates the
production
 of
energy
 from coal in Sweden,
France
,
Denmark
, and
Germany
. Looking from an all perspective, it is clearly evident that all selected European countries have dropped gradually in relation to their
energy
 produced by coal over
15-year
Add an article
a 15-year
show examples
 period, with an
execption
Correct your spelling
exception
 of
Germany
 which once experienced a slight increase. In 1995,
France
 had the lowest
production
 percentage, settled at 30%.
Denmark
,
on the other hand
, had the highest
energy
production
, which was recorded at 60%. In the subsequent 15 years, the trend for both
France
 and
Denmark
 had fallen considerably. In 2010,
Denmark
 became the country with
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
energy
 coal
production
 shown by the significant 50% decrease throughout
15 year
Correct your spelling
the 15-year
 period, registered at 10%.
Conversely
, despite the fluctuation,
France
 had settled their percentage at below 30% in 2010. Upon closer examination
Change preposition
of
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the figures, the trend for
France
 and Sweden
Correct subject-verb agreement
depicts
show examples
depict
Correct subject-verb agreement
depicts
show examples
Correct article usage
a roughly
show examples
roughly
Correct article usage
a roughly
show examples
 similar
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
Change preposition
from
show examples
since
Change preposition
from
show examples
 1995 until 2010.
Although
 both countries
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced
decrease
Replace the word
a decreasing
show examples
 trend throughout
15 year
Correct your spelling
the 15-year
 period, Sweden
has
Verb problem
was
show examples
 shown as the
highest
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
country with its coal
energy
production
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 28%, still higher than
France
.
While
 for
Germany
 and
Denmark
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
emerged
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
complimentary pattern in 2007 with the mark of
significant
Add an article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 drop
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
Germany
's lowest
energy
production
 which registered at below 10%. Over the next 3 years,
Germany
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
experienced
remarkable
Add an article
a remarkable
show examples
 increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their produced
energy
 from coal with
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
percentage
Change to a plural noun
percentages
show examples
 recorded at approximately 18%.
Submitted by chastinervine on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words production, energy, france, denmark, germany with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: