IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
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Running a business is a challenging task. When it comes to priorities, successful managers claim their main goal is to make
money
Use synonyms
 without considering social responsibilities. I agree with the statement, not only because making
money
Use synonyms
 is
kind
Correct article usage
a kind
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 of social
responsibilties
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
 but
also
Linking Words
Correct word choice
because they
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they
Correct pronoun usage
it
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 may distract businesses and make them fail.
However
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, there are some benefits including lower side effects of business operations
as well as
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 better branding. On one hand, making
money
Use synonyms
 itself is the most important social responsibility of firms. Businesses are
reponsibile
Correct your spelling
responsible
 for their staffs' lives, they should provide their
colleages
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 with well-paid jobs, holidays, and retirement. If they manage to achieve these targets, they
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 do
the
Correct article usage
apply
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justice
regarding
Change preposition
to
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 society. So making
money
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 is their social responsibility.
Furthermore
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, business has become a cutting-throat competition, any distraction is likely to make a
company
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 bankrupt.
For instance
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, if a
high profile
Add a hyphen
high-profile
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company
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 allocate part of its concentration to charitable activities, it is highly likely to lose its market share to other
companies
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.
As a result
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,
this
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 would take a heavy toll on its brand and make it bankrupt.
On the other hand
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, ignoring
Correct article usage
the responsibilites
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responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 brings about lasting detrimental impacts.
For example
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, if oil
companies
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 only put
money
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first,
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they are highly likely to release their wastes into the oceans to cut their cost. And, removing these contaminations takes a lot of time, and resources;
however
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,
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 does not make the
died
Replace the word
dead
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fishes
Fix the agreement mistake
fish
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 alive. So they need to put the environment first rather than their profit.
Moreover
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, taking social
responsibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
responsibility
show examples
 is the best brand promotion that
companies
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 can have. Imagine a
company
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who
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 has launched a scholarship program for students to enter a university, every student's
famility
Correct your spelling
family
 that takes
this
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 fund will be thankful forever.
Thereafter
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, they would not forget the
company
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 name
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
pave
Wrong verb form
paved
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their
Change the word
the
show examples
 way
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the university. In conclusion, I strongly believe
companies
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 should always put making
money
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 first and never consider social responsibilities. Because making
money
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 is their social responsibility
as well as
Linking Words
 focusing on
money
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 will prevent them from becoming bankrupt.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 the advantages of social
responsibilites
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
responsibility
 like environmental benefits and branding are not able to
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
 its disadvantages.
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introduction conclusion present
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logical structure
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relevant specific examples
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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