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Band 4

It is important for people to take risks both in their professional lives and personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risk outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives #risk
Taking
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
during human
life
 is a certain subject in both vocation and private
life
 and we, human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. experience it
through
Change preposition
throughout
show examples
 our lifespan. Many of our
accomplishment
Fix the agreement mistake
accomplishments
show examples
sand
Correct your spelling
and
show examples
 achievements are
pursuit
Replace the word
pursued
show examples
by accepting new challenges. In both mentioned aspects, it is inevitable to
risk
 and proceed our way to new destinations . Think about your private
life
 , indeed without risking you can’t visit many new
people
 and get familiar with various ideas and lifestyles .
For instance
, if you were an isolated person in a far small town, without
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 to other cities and countries, how could you experience the busy lifestyle of citizens who live in cosmopolitan
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
Also
 in romantic
life
, when we get
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 stranger and start a romance, it’s a kind of risking
your
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 passions and sentiments . When it
come’s
Correct your spelling
comes
show examples
to business, it seems to be a little more convenient to decide.
While
 private
life
embrace’s
Correct your spelling
embraces
show examples
some subjects like family, friends and
beloved
Correct your spelling
loved
show examples
ones, work risks
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
less effect on these issues. so
people
 could
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their motivation of risking in
this
 area , but you should consider that for any promotion or
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
, you may need to be aware of all the responsibilities and results which will be occurred by your decisions.
Definitely
Add a comma
Definitely,
show examples
 most owners of successful businesses couldn’t achieve their dazzling position sans accepting the hazards of the trial
On the other hand
,
On the other hand
, being open to
risk
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
could cause certain disorders in
people
’s routine. Remember that isolated man in a
cozy
Change the spelling
cosy
show examples
 town, without risking , he could continue his peaceful and routine
life
 for years .
Also
 in professional
life
, despite the chance of achieving success and progress, we should consider all the bankruptcies and
failure
Fix the agreement mistake
failures
show examples
which be
Verb problem
that
show examples
resulted
Wrong verb form
result
show examples
 from those risks .
According to
 the above discussion,
while
 we face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
both advantages and disadvantages of risking in our
life
, to meet our goals and achieve our expectancies, it is inevitable to take
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 in all aspects, maybe
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 more
attempt
Fix the agreement mistake
attempts
show examples
 and accurate determination, we could handle those downsides. Our
life
 from the very first days of evolution till now
owe’s
Correct your spelling
owes
show examples
to
people
 who
risks
Change the verb form
risk
show examples
and
people
 who appreciate
risk
 in their visions and their actions. Normal routine
life
 means a very straight line which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
us to the repetitive destination. In order to feel the variety and diversity of
life
 and to proceed
our
Change preposition
with our
show examples
 evolution
maybe
Correct your spelling
may be
show examples
 the only possible way is to get
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 world’s movement and be part of
this
 cycle
Submitted by zohal21 on

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coherence cohesion
You should ensure that your essay has a clear introduction that presents the topic and a conclusion that summarizes your arguments. The absence of a well-defined conclusion can reduce the effectiveness of your essay.
coherence cohesion
It's important to have a logical progression of ideas throughout your essay. Use paragraphing to separate different points and make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with relevant examples or evidence. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Make sure you fully address the essay prompt. Provide a balanced discussion on the advantages and disadvantages of risk-taking in professional and personal lives before giving a clear opinion.
task achievement
Your ideas should be clearly expressed and easy to follow. Work on sentence structure and aim for clarity in each point you make to help the reader understand your arguments.
task achievement
Include concrete and specifically relevant examples that support the main points presented in your essay. This helps illustrate your points and makes your argument more convincing.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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