IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People's shopping habits depend more on the age group they belong to than on other factors. To what extent you agree or disagree?

It is argued that people’s shopping
habits
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 are primarily influenced by one’s group
age
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 rather than other factors.
While
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age
Use synonyms
 plays a significant role in shaping shopping
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
, in my opinion, it is not the sole determinant. On the one hand,
age
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 can indeed be a strong indicator of one’s shopping
habits
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. Different life stages come with varying needs and priorities.
For instance
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, young children tend to spend their pocket
money
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 on snacks and toys,
while
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 young adults are fashion chasers who may save
money
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 for months to buy the latest electronic gadgets.
In contrast
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, middle-aged customers may allocate more
money
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 to improve their quality of life
through
Change preposition
by
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 buying large houses and more expensive cars.
Additionally
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, the method of shopping varies with
age
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. Younger generations are more inclined towards online shopping platforms,
while
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 older individuals may prefer traditional stores for the tactile experience and enthusiastic services.
However
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, individuals' shopping
habits
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 are not solely attributed to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
age
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, advertisements play a crucial role. At present, there are numerous commercials in the street and on the screen so a large portion of customers are influenced by advertising campaigns.
For example
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, many companies produce advertisements featuring famous and popular actors and singers. People are prone to line up to buy goods that their idols endorse, even if they do not really need these products.
Furthermore
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, a person’s ability to make certain purchases heavily depends on their financial capacity,
this
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 is particularly true for most young adults they may not have
money
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 to splurge on luxury items or expensive cars as they have limited disposable income. In conclusion,
while
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age
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 does impact shopping
habits
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, it is not the predominant factor. Other factors are more considerable,
such
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 as the commercials and economic status.

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Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical structure of your essay by ensuring that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next, with clear connections between your points. This will make your argument more compelling and easier to follow.
Coherence & Cohesion
Make sure your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize your main points effectively, as they are essential to framing your argument and leaving a strong final impression.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported, but adding more varied and detailed examples could strengthen your argument and provide more persuasive evidence of your views.
Task Achievement
While your response to the task is mostly complete, ensuring that you address all parts of the prompt and clearly articulate your position throughout the essay will improve your score.
Task Achievement
Your ideas are clear and sufficiently detailed, but you could achieve greater comprehensiveness by exploring the implications of the points you make or considering counterarguments.
Task Achievement
Although you provided some relevant examples, incorporating more specific examples that are directly related to the question can make your argument more convincing and demonstrate greater task achievement.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • consumption patterns
  • digital natives
  • e-commerce
  • brick-and-mortar stores
  • target demographic
  • disposable income
  • consumer behavior
  • market segmentation
  • purchasing power
  • retail therapy
  • brand loyalty
  • impulse buying
  • price-sensitive
  • cross-generational
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