IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It has been suggested that the authorities should impose a higher
tax
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 to address the health problems caused by excessive consumption of fast
food
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. In my opinion,
this
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 practice seems understandable, but it is not feasible. It is true that the government imposing
tax
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 on sugar-rich and fatty
food
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 means to help
to
Verb problem
apply
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address the health problems by means of discouraging consumers from eating it. When the
tax
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 is put into practice, it would increase the price of fast
food
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 so that many consumers would be reluctant to spend extra money on it and choose other foods
instead
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.
As a result
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumers are less likely to have diseases associated with high-calorie
food
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, so
this
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tax
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 could seemingly achieve the desired effect and be necessary to some extent.
However
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, the principal drawback
in
Change preposition
of
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this
Linking Words
 practice is that it would lead impoverished
people
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 to face
further
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 hardship. As sugar-rich and fatty
food
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 is far cheaper than fresh produce, it is common for many low-income
people
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 to eat fast
food
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 more frequently than richer
people
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. For
the
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apply
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impoverished
people
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, high-calorie
food
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 is more than a choice of
food
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, and a necessity as well.
Therefore
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, if
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
tax
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 is imposed on their necessity, the low-income group would suffer from more pressure financially, rendering
this
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tax
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 unjustified for
this
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 group.
Apart from
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this
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, for rich
people
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,
this
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tax
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 is meaningless, since they would continue eating fast
food
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 despite the higher price. In conclusion, interference from the government is counterproductive, and
people
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 should be responsible for their own choice of
food
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.

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task achievement
Make sure that the introduction includes a clear thesis statement, outlining your position on the topic.
task achievement
Develop your body paragraphs with specific examples or evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Each paragraph should be organized around a single main idea. Use topic sentences to establish this and then develop it throughout the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Use more varied linking words and phrases to create smoother connections between the ideas in your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your conclusion summarizes your main points and reiterates your position clearly. Avoid introducing new arguments in the conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • public health
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • health outcomes
  • healthcare costs
  • consumer behavior
  • socio-economic backgrounds
  • ethical implications
  • public health campaigns
  • subsidies
  • regulations
  • nutritional content
  • healthier food options
  • government intervention
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