IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, the number of shootings increas because many people have guns at home. to what extent do you agree or disagree? give specific reasons and examples to support you answer.

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Across the globe, many individuals own
guns
Use synonyms
 for self-defence or recreational purposes.
Gun
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-related mortalities in the
household
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,
in particular
Linking Words
, throw the ethics of
such
Linking Words
 forms of private
gun
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 ownership to sharp relief. In
this
Linking Words
 essay,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 shall appeal to crime statistics to argue that a person is at a far
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
greater risk of being shot if there is a
gun
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 in the family circle.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, it is intuitively obvious that having a
gun
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 in a
household
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 will endanger
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children and teenagers.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 minors do not have the requisite knowledge or maturity to handle
guns
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 safely.
For example
Linking Words
, the United
states
Capitalize word
States
show examples
 of America Department of Justice recently revealed statistics showing that 150 American children and teenagers are deceased each year because of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accidents relating to
household
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guns
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is
uncontrovertible
Correct your spelling
incontrovertible
show examples
 that custody of a
gun
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 leads to additional shootings.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
household
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guns
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 are especially hazardous when couples have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
voilent agruments
Correct your spelling
violent arguments
.
This
Linking Words
 is because, male sexual rage, to be specific,
ofen
Correct your spelling
often
 results in deadly
agression
Correct your spelling
aggression
.
For instance
Linking Words
, The
Internation
Correct your spelling
International
show examples
 Crime Bureau produced statistical evidence that, if a man discovers his wife having
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 affair, he is twice as likely to kill her in a fit of jealous rage if he has easy access to a
gun
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, once again,
household
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guns
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 correlate positively
regarding
Change preposition
with
show examples
 shootings. In conclusion, there is undeniable evidence that having a
gyn
Correct your spelling
gun
 in the family leads to
further
Linking Words
 shootings. Given the strength of
this
Linking Words
 authentication, in the future, more legislation needs to be put in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
place to limit private
gun
Use synonyms
 ownership.

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coherence cohesion
Your essay introduced the topic and presented a conclusion, but you could improve the clarity of your argument by ensuring a smoother transition between ideas. Attempt to use a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
task achievement
You've managed to maintain relevance to the given topic throughout the essay, providing examples in support of your points. However, try providing a more nuanced argument by acknowledging potential counterarguments and tackling them. This would not only show a broader understanding of the issue but also enhance the persuasiveness of your response.
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