It is important for people to take risks, in both their professional lives and personal lives. Do the advantages of taking these risks outweigh the disadvantages?

In recent years, there has been a tremendous increase in the number of
individuals
quesitoning
Correct your spelling
questioning
whether
people
should take the chance for a change in their career and personal
life
. On the one hand, one key benefit is discovering the true potential of one’s abilities.
However
, a significant drawback is
people
risking their
life
stability.
To begin
, there is an argument to be made that
people
can understand themselves better and understand their invisible potential.
For example
, one-third of the engineering students at
University
Correct article usage
the University
show examples
of Toronto during their
sophomor
Correct your spelling
sophomore
year have decided to change their speciality to study art
instead
, which they have reported after a high satisfaction rate and an excellent
acadmic perfomance
Correct your spelling
academic performance
.
For
this
reason, it is evident that taking risks is a cornerstone
into
Change preposition
in
show examples
unveiling the hidden capabilities, without which
individuals
will never realize their actual skills. What is more,
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
doing
this
,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will encourage
people
to improve themselves
further
, simply because they want to establish a radical change solely based on the belief that they can do it.
This
being the case, it can be assumed that if a person did not take a risk in his
life
, he would never
understands
Change the verb form
understand
show examples
his true
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
.
Nonetheless
, it must be stated that taking risks could put someone’s
life
at stake and lead to chaos.
For instance
, some
people
have families which need stable money income to survive, without which could jeopardise the
life
of
entire
Correct article usage
the entire
show examples
family because of
such
an action.
Therefore
,
it is clear that
individuals
can lose their balanced
life
and destroy their family’s future, clearly because they want to be adventurous and chase what could not be real.
Furthermore
, humans do not all share the same capabilities, some might have
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
while
others
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
, which inevitably means what works for someone, might not work for the other. With
this
in mind, there is no doubt that if
people
started risking their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
and acting the same way,
this
would have created
chaotic
Correct article usage
a chaotic
show examples
environment that endanger the stability of
life
.
To conclude
,
while
some may feel that
individuals
should risk their professional
life
to discover about themselves. Others, myself included, hold the view that they should not chase
such
chaotic
Correct article usage
a chaotic
show examples
pathway which might lead to extended damaging consequences. From my perspective, the pros do not outweigh the cons and
people
should be aware that it is very critical to clearly understand the limits of their power and what
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is
realisticly
Correct your spelling
realistically
achievable.
Submitted by ototonji.ot on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that the logical flow of ideas is maintained throughout the essay. A few points seem to be slightly repetitive, which could be improved by varying the arguments and not restating the same idea.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and summarize the key points well, which helps in framing the discussion effectively within the essay.
Coherence & Cohesion
Back up your main points with more detailed and varied examples to strengthen your argument. Examples help to concretize your points and make your argument more compelling.
Task Achievement
Address the task fully by covering all aspects of the question. Be sure to equally discuss both the advantages and the disadvantages to present a balanced view.
Task Achievement
Aim for clearer and more comprehensive development of ideas. Expand on your points to elucidate them further, and ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well explored.
Task Achievement
Include relevant and more specific examples to support your arguments. Avoid general statements or hypothetical scenarios unless they clearly contribute to illustrating your point.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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