Technology has changed the way people communicatr today. Some people belive this is making our relationship stronger while others believe it is harming them. Discuss both points of view and give your own opinion.

Technology is flourishing by leaps and bounds in every field, especially
communication
. It has altered the way of
communication
among the population today.
However
, some think that
this
makes
people
's
relationships
stronger,
whereas
others say that it creates distance between mankind.
This
essay discusses both viewpoints and I strongly agree with the former opinion for the following reasons. On the one hand,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advanced
communication
tools help to close
people
from everywhere around the world,
this
aids
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
relationships
with
people
who are homesick and miss their loved ones some video call apps help to maintain their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
very strongly.
For example
, a recent survey from the Times of India said that 75% of the population uses the WhatsApp cheating app every day to maintain their relationship very strongly.
In addition
, that
indicated
Wrong verb form
indicates
show examples
assistance to
people
more closely even if they are busy
in
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at
show examples
work, meanwhile, they can talk
whoever
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to whoever
show examples
at their own place without going
Change preposition
to them
show examples
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
place to visit and talk. All credit goes to the innovation of the technology.
On the other hand
, technology
communication
devices create
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
relationships
between humankind because
individual's
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals'
show examples
direct contact has been diminishing
instead
of
Correct word choice
apply
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they prefer to communicate with smartphones.
Consequently
, the close bonding is less,
besides
, they like to talk with a stranger from other parts of the world than living in
a
Correct article usage
the
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same place
people
Change preposition
with people
show examples
or relatives.
For instance
, the Facebook chatting
communication
app helps to connect
people
around the globe within
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
seconds and uploading pictures, likes and comments to a stranger.
Therefore
, folks do not
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
more interest to talk directly
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
person who knows already.
Hence
,
this
phenomenon indeed creates less bonding with
people
.
To conclude
,
although
communication
tools help to connect
people
across the globe, particularly
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
relationships
individuals can maintain their close bonding very strongly,
this
communication
creates
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
impact on the population
like
Correct word choice
and
show examples
face-to-face interaction might be reduced.
Therefore
, I strongly agree that
communication
devices help to make
relationships
very
strongly
Change the word
strong
show examples
.
Submitted by reanudeepan on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates basic logical structure, but improvements are needed for higher cohesion. Paragraphs should be more clearly divided with a clear topic sentence at the beginning of each one. Furthermore, try to maintain a consistent flow of ideas, avoiding abrupt changes in topic.
task achievement
Your introduction has a thesis statement, which is good, but it should be clearer and more specific. Each paragraph should stay focused on a single main point with examples that directly support that point. In your conclusion, summarize your arguments more clearly and restate your opinion succinctly.

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