IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Crime rates among teenagers has increased dramatically in many countries. Discuss some possible reasons for this increase and suggest solutions

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It is essential to acknowledge that
rate
Correct article usage
the rate
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 of crimes is significantly increasing among teenagers worldwide.
This
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 essay discusses,
unemployment
Correct article usage
the unemployment
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 and alcoholism of
parents
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 as reasons and provides some possible solutions.
Firstly
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,
jobless
Correct article usage
a jobless
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 environment makes the mind to do crimes to earn money because individuals need to fulfil their needs.
Therefore
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, if they have enough qualifications unable to earn money without being an employee. As an example, recently conducted research in India showed many graduates from top-ranked universities are spending their time without jobs and only a few percentage of students entered careers.
Secondly
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, some
parents
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 are using alcohol and tobacco to make their lives more enjoyable.
Furthermore
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, they do
this
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 as a habit and present in front of their young children, they follow their
parents
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 and are willing to commit crimes due side effects of alcoholism.
For instance
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, scientific studies prove that continued exposure to drugs impacts the brain matter and hormones change a person's normal behaviour. On the one hand, the crucial thing is to provide better solutions to battle the problem.
According to
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 that, the government should take action to rid unemployment and provide some kind of funds for young people until they enter the job market. As an example, in Canada, the government provide some funds for teenagers and helps them until find employment.
On the other hand
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, as a stem of the family both mother and father should behave responsibly manner,
therefore
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 arrange counseling programs and rehabilitations to prevent their young children's alcohol addictions. In conclusion, a rapid increase in crime events
in between
Change preposition
among
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 youngsters in
this
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 decade mainly happens
due to
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parents
Use synonyms
' alcoholism and joblessness situation. In
this
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 case,
countries
Replace the word
the country's
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 government should arrange some funds for them and provide rehabilitation and counseling for their
parents
Use synonyms
 are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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possible solutions to rid of the issue.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that the essay follows a clear logical structure. While the essay had an introduction and conclusion, the ideas could have been developed more logically and with better paragraphing to guide the reader.
coherence cohesion
Aim to support main points with well-developed examples. Several claims were made, but the provided examples were too general, lacking specific detail that would add depth to the discussion.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. While the essay touched upon reasons and solutions for the rising crime among teenagers, it did not fully explore the complexity of the issue or the variety of possible reasons and solutions. More depth and detail are needed.
task achievement
Incorporate more clear, comprehensive ideas and examples that are directly relevant to the topic. Avoid making sweeping generalizations without supporting evidence. Whenever discussing issues such as unemployment or parental influence, provide concrete examples that illustrate these points effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Juvenile delinquency
  • Socioeconomic factors
  • Parental supervision
  • Peer influence
  • Dysfunctional family
  • Desensitization
  • Substance abuse
  • Educational opportunities
  • Employment prospects
  • Preventive measures
  • Rehabilitation programs
  • Community involvement
  • Policy interventions
  • Mental health support
  • Crime deterrence
  • Media exposure
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