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Band 4.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem?

#species #animals #risk
Nowadays, certain types of
animals
 are endangered, as some other species could be facing
similar
Add an article
a similar
show examples
 situation. There might be several reasons
according
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
animals
' extinction
such
 as hunting
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
 and illegal trading,
while
 the authorities are executing laws regarding
this
 issue. Through
this
passage
Add a comma
passage,
show examples
 I will explain my views about
this
 problem and its solution.
Firstly
, the most common practice that caused
extinction
Correct article usage
the extinction
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
animals
 would be
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illegal hunting and trading.
This
 action is dangerous because the
huntes
Correct your spelling
hunters
hunts
 are targeting rare
animals
due to
 their
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
,
while
 some of them could kill the
animals
 to get a specific part of the body.
As a result
, many endangered
animals
 have been killed by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
hunters
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
causing a decline in
animals
' populations.
For instance
, the elephants' ivories have been hunted and many of them are killed by hunters.
Secondly
, in order to handle
this
 situation,
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
legal action must be taken by the multilateral authorities.
As the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 illegal trading of endangered
animals
 can be considered
as
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 international crime
due to
 its international network.
Therefore
, many countries should be involved in
this
 initiative in order to stop the network.
For example
, an international regulation should be made by the
world wildlife authority
Correct your spelling
World Wildlife Authority
show examples
 and supported by several countries in order to protect endangered
animals
. To
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
, some
animals
' extinction could be
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 problem that
spread
Wrong verb form
spreads
show examples
 to other species, especially exotic
animals
.
This
 must be controlled by law that
prevent
Correct subject-verb agreement
prevents
show examples
 several illegal
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
such
 as trading and hunting, since that are the main cause of the issue.
Furthermore
, these endangered
animals
 should
also
 be preserved in a sanctuary so they can live safely.
Submitted by nadhif2799 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear logical structure. Your ideas should flow naturally from one to the next with appropriate use of paragraphs and linking words.
coherence cohesion
Include an introduction and a conclusion to frame your arguments effectively. Define the scope of your argument in the introduction and summarize your main points in the conclusion, reinforcing your stance.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with detailed and relevant examples. This strengthens your argument and demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. Make sure your response answers the question directly and covers all aspects of the prompt.
task achievement
Ideas should be explained clearly and comprehensively. It's important to articulate your arguments in a way that is easy to understand, without ambiguity or confusion.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your arguments. This shows the ability to think critically and apply your ideas to real-world contexts.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
What to do next:
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