Some people think mobile devices should be banned in public places. Do you agree or disagree?
Some
people
believe that mobile devices
should be prohibited in public areas. Personally, I completely disagree with this
statement for the following reasons.
Firstly
, mobile devices
can be a useful tool for communication and working, so banning the use
of mobile devices
in places
open is unreasonable. For instance
, some people
who work remotely in public places
will not complete their job, if mobile devices
are banned. Moreover
, mobile devices
also
help people
communicate with each other more easily even when they are going out, for example
, in case of emergencies, such
as road accidents, residents
may have difficulties in
calling Change preposition
apply
people
for help without phones. Additionally
, people
usually choose to hang out to meet their friends or their parents, but it is hard to know exactly where they are if mobile phones are prohibited. Furthermore
, through those devices
, people
can gain more knowledge even when they are not at home. Especially when people
are abroad, they need to use
mobile devices
to know about those places
.
Secondly
, when mobile devices
are forbidden, this
may do harm to business. Some businesses use
social media to introduce their product to consumers, but residents
will not know about that product if mobile phones are banned. This
will affect businesses’ income. For instance,some new companies use
the Internet to promote their brands, but this
will be difficult for that company to let the residents
know about them as mobile devices
are prohibited and the company may be bankrupt. Moreover
, due to
today's digital age,numerous people
are working online, and this
helps workers do their jobs more effectively.Nevertheless
,banning people
from using mobile devices
in public areas will decrease their work productivity, thereby it will directly affect businesses’ development.
In conclusion, prohibiting mobile devices
in open places
brings plenty of drawbacks for people
and businesses , such
as making businesses bankrupt due to
the fact that they can not promote their brand.Furthermore
, it is difficult for residents
to communicate with each other when they are going out without using those devices
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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea, with main points that are fully developed and expanded. Avoid having underdeveloped paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a satisfactory structure with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, greater attention must be paid to the logical flow between ideas in the main body of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide more relevant, detailed, and specific examples to support each main idea within your arguments. This will enhance the strength of your points and increase the persuasive power of your essay.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task reasonably well, but the response could be more comprehensive by expanding on the ideas presented and showing more depth in the analysis. Aim for a fully addressed prompt with each aspect covered in detail.
task achievement
While the essay presents ideas clearly, the ideas could benefit from more nuanced discussion and complexity. Aim to develop the ideas more comprehensively, ensuring that they contribute to a compelling argument.
task achievement
Make sure to incorporate specific examples that directly relate to the points you are making. Your examples currently lack specificity and depth, which can leave the argument feeling somewhat unsupported.