people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?
There are different views about whether
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
people
may cause some problems for authorities or if they are practical for society. I admit that the
retired Correct article usage
apply
people
may have more benefits, such
as transferring information to young people
and gathering family together, than their drawbacks, like pensions and caring in communities.
To begin
with, pension
might be the most important problem for governments. Fix the agreement mistake
pensions
While
the laws have to allocate a budget for the retired people
. This
money might be used for infrastructures such
as building modern school
or green spaces to improve the quality of education and air quality. Fix the agreement mistake
schools
Also
, they will require more attention from family and the government. When they become older, they are less likely to be able take
care Add the particle
to take
themselves
in many ways. Change preposition
of themselves
For example
, when the number of aging
Change the spelling
ageing
people
increase
, Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
government
has to build new places to Add an article
the government
taking
care of them, Wrong verb form
take
although
some of them still live with their family
.
Despite Fix the agreement mistake
families
of
some drawbacks, Change preposition
apply
the
retired Correct article usage
apply
people
play a significant role in improving the
communities in different ways. Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, they can help students who graduate
recently to find appropriate jobs Wrong verb form
graduated
which are
fit Verb problem
that
on
their Change preposition
apply
desire
. Fix the agreement mistake
desires
For instance
, aging
Change the spelling
ageing
people
with useful information might be invited by authorities to several seminars persuade
young Fix the infinitive
to persuade
people
to gain their
experience and knowledge to learn how Correct pronoun usage
apply
work
more Add the particle
to work
efficiency
. Replace the word
efficiently
Moreover
, elderly people
can make a strong bond between
family because of giving good advice and helping parents to bring up better children. Change preposition
with
In particular
, aging
Change the spelling
ageing
people
may spend more time with their grandchildren, so they will taking
care of them and Wrong verb form
take
telling
useful stories that may have good effects on their perspective in different aspects of life.
In conclusion, governments might struggle with some aspects Wrong verb form
tell
about
having a lot of Change preposition
of
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
people
in society; however
, they should have more benefits not only for governments but also
for families.Submitted by sarmastsobhan1994 on
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task achievement
For Task Achievement: Make sure to fully develop your arguments with clear explanations and more detailed examples. Each paragraph should have a singular focus with sufficient evidence to enable the reader to understand your point of view.
coherence cohesion
For Coherence and Cohesion: Organize your ideas more effectively with a clear progression of ideas. Use a wider range of cohesive devices to link your ideas logically, ensuring that paragraphs and sentences smoothly transition from one to the next. Also, clarify pronoun references to avoid ambiguity in your writing.
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