IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

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It is discussed that people are encouraged to take every opportunity in their lives, whether in the professional field or personal. I agree with the opinion mentioned since I believe that taking some chances will bring lots worth more than sticking to the comfort zone. It is certainly understandable why many people choose to do their usual and common activities rather than practice some new things that might be unfamiliar to them. The feeling of disappointment and failure is what scared them the most.
For example
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, it is not uncommon for employees over 40 to get stuck to their current job,
although
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 they got paid under average salary and do not have a title for their position. Supposedly they needed to resign themselves and find a better opportunity outside,
instead
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, they chose to stay since they thought that there would be no company that would accept the old and
then
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 become unemployed.
On the other hand
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, there are multiple benefits if you try to put yourself on the different side.
Firstly
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, people are full of curiosity, by pushing yourself into a new place, some fresh experiences will be gained
as well as
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 the fulfilment of the curiosity.
In addition
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, another way to explore many things that may be interesting for yourself could be opened.
For instance
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, the journey of a successful popstar Iggy Azalea started when she was moving alone to New York without any figures. She was very scared of any worst possibilities that could happen, but
overall
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 she managed to survive and gained fame by joining a record label in New York. In conclusion, losing some to gain is a suitable phrase for
this
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 argument since there is nothing to be worried about to accept every chance.
As a result
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, a reward
such
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 as an admirable future could easily be led to.

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your ideas are organized in a logical manner. Paragraphs should transition smoothly into one another, and each paragraph should have a clear central idea.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are satisfactory, but could benefit from clearer thesis statements and more powerful summarizations of main points.
coherence cohesion
Support your main points with specific examples where possible. Broad statements are less persuasive than those backed up by concrete evidence or experiences.
task achievement
A good attempt at answering the question, but remember to provide a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages when asked to do so in the task.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas to make them more comprehensive and detailed. Clear development of your arguments leads to a deeper understanding for the reader.
task achievement
Where relevant, provide specific examples to illustrate your point. Make sure these examples are pertinent and reinforce your argument effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
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