IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that the government should provide free education at every level. However, some say that individuals should pay for their university education. Discuss both of views and give your opinion

#people #government #education #level #say #individuals #university
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Some societies argue that
education
 should be free by the
government
 at all stages.
Instead
, the others say that the
government
 should not pay for
university
matched
Replace the word
matches
show examples
. In my point of view, free
education
 at every level is a good way to improve
educational
Replace the word
education
show examples
 in
this
 country.
Furthermore
,
education
 in
university
 should be free for
individuals
 who are unable to pay for reasons of poverty. It will be discussed in
this
 essay below.
Firstly
,
education
 is an important thing and become a vital part of the future. In fact, someone who wants to get a good job,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
must have a high
education
.
However
, if the
government
 provides free
education
 for all levels, it will help
students
 to continue their academics.
For instance
, a student cannot go on their academic because their parents do not have enough money.
Due to
 the policy, they can continue their
education
 until senior high school.
Finally
,
this
 policy has a good influence on
students
 who want to study at
this
 stage.
Secondly
, some
individuals
 consider that
education
 should
provide
Wrong verb form
be provided
show examples
 free cost or open a scholarship for
individuals
 who are unable to pay for the reason of poverty.
For example
, most people think that
students
 who want to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
show examples
 in a college,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have to provide enough cost. It is not fair for
individuals
 who do not have it.
Hence
, the
government
 should pay the fee for
education
 at
university
Add an article
the university
show examples
 level because of that reason. To
sump
Correct your spelling
sum
show examples
 up, I totally believe that free
education
 for each level should be implemented as soon as possible.
Furthermore
,
students
whom they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 cannot pay the cost of
university
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 should be assisted by the
government
. These policies will increase the
education
 in
this
 country.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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task achievement
Make sure that your essay has a clear position throughout the response, maintaining focus and relevancy on the task prompt.
task achievement
Develop your main ideas further with more specific examples and explanations to better support your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you have a clear and logical progression of ideas from introduction to conclusion, making use of cohesive devices but avoiding overuse.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion should be more distinct and clearer, containing precise thesis statements and summaries of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition and aim to present ideas that are more thoroughly developed rather than superficially treated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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