Some children spend hours every days on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Some teenagers and
children
devote a large percentage of their day to their smartphones. The reason for Use synonyms
that is
that their Linking Words
parents
may have neglected their needs of attention and quality Use synonyms
time
and another reason is that Use synonyms
parents
may have not implemented physical activities in their Use synonyms
kids
’ lives from a young age . In my Use synonyms
opinion
it is clearly not a positive phenomenon as it may affect their upbringing.
To commence with, there are many reasons that contribute to the Add a comma
opinion,
behavior
of Change the spelling
behaviour
kids
, Use synonyms
Linking Words
however
a Add a comma
however,
child
relationship with his Change noun form
child's
parents
is the most influential factor of all. To explain, if Use synonyms
parents
Use synonyms
priortize
their Correct your spelling
prioritise
time
with Use synonyms
kids
and work on strengthening their relationship with them, Use synonyms
children
are more likely to choose to spend more family Use synonyms
time
over using their phones. Use synonyms
Moreover
, Linking Words
kids
require a lot of training to create positive habits Use synonyms
such
as joining a sport and that needs more effort from their Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
thus
many Linking Words
parents
may be Use synonyms
busy
to build Rephrase
too busy
such
Linking Words
habit
. Fix the agreement mistake
habits
As a consequence
, there is a chance that Linking Words
kids
become lazy and prefer to use their smartphones over any kind of sports .
Use synonyms
Furthermore
, I believe that Linking Words
this
is a negative development in the lifestyle of Linking Words
children
. Use synonyms
That is
because it may affect their attention span Linking Words
as well as
their cognitive Linking Words
behavior
. There is a school of thought that Change the spelling
behaviour
children
Use synonyms
that
consume less screen Correct pronoun usage
who
time
are more active in their school and are more encouraged to engage in intellectual activities. Use synonyms
Since having
less screen Change preposition
Having
time
on Use synonyms
daily
basis Add an article
a daily
mean
that a child will have an opportunity to read a book Correct subject-verb agreement
means
or
go for a walk or meditate which in turn will increase his mental clarity.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
apply
kids
waste their days on their smartphones and Use synonyms
that is
because they are probably feeling neglected by their Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
as well as
the lack of physical activities. I strongly believe that Linking Words
this
matter should be modified to improve their mental health and cognitive Linking Words
behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
Submitted by nadasoltan818 on
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Task Achievement
In terms of Task Achievement, you addressed the questions posed by the topic but did not delve deeply into either. Your response lacks a thorough exploration of why children spend hours on their smartphones and why this can be considered a positive or negative development. Include more detailed reasoning and discussion to fully address the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Concerning coherence and cohesion, your essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure and contains an introduction and conclusion. Nonetheless, transitions between ideas could be improved, and main points could be more effectively supported with clear, relevant examples. Strive for a smooth flow of ideas and richer examples to strengthen your argument.