Some children spend hours every days on their smartphones Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
Some teenagers and
children
devote a large percentage of their day to their smartphones. The reason for that is
that their parents
may have neglected their needs of attention and quality time
and another reason is that parents
may have not implemented physical activities in their kids
’ lives from a young age . In my opinion
it is clearly not a positive phenomenon as it may affect their upbringing.
To commence with, there are many reasons that contribute to the Add a comma
opinion,
behavior
of Change the spelling
behaviour
kids
, however
a Add a comma
however,
child
relationship with his Change noun form
child's
parents
is the most influential factor of all. To explain, if parents
priortize
their Correct your spelling
prioritise
time
with kids
and work on strengthening their relationship with them, children
are more likely to choose to spend more family time
over using their phones. Moreover
, kids
require a lot of training to create positive habits such
as joining a sport and that needs more effort from their parents
and
Correct word choice
apply
thus
many parents
may be busy
to build Rephrase
too busy
such
habit
. Fix the agreement mistake
habits
As a consequence
, there is a chance that kids
become lazy and prefer to use their smartphones over any kind of sports .
Furthermore
, I believe that this
is a negative development in the lifestyle of children
. That is
because it may affect their attention span as well as
their cognitive behavior
. There is a school of thought that Change the spelling
behaviour
children
that
consume less screen Correct pronoun usage
who
time
are more active in their school and are more encouraged to engage in intellectual activities. Since having
less screen Change preposition
Having
time
on daily
basis Add an article
a daily
mean
that a child will have an opportunity to read a book Correct subject-verb agreement
means
or
go for a walk or meditate which in turn will increase his mental clarity.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
apply
kids
waste their days on their smartphones and that is
because they are probably feeling neglected by their parents
as well as
the lack of physical activities. I strongly believe that this
matter should be modified to improve their mental health and cognitive behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
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Task Achievement
In terms of Task Achievement, you addressed the questions posed by the topic but did not delve deeply into either. Your response lacks a thorough exploration of why children spend hours on their smartphones and why this can be considered a positive or negative development. Include more detailed reasoning and discussion to fully address the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
Concerning coherence and cohesion, your essay demonstrates an adequate logical structure and contains an introduction and conclusion. Nonetheless, transitions between ideas could be improved, and main points could be more effectively supported with clear, relevant examples. Strive for a smooth flow of ideas and richer examples to strengthen your argument.