IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the number of shops that closed and opened in one area between 2011 and 2018. summarize the information

the graph below shows the number of shops that closed and opened in one area between 2011 and 2018. summarize the information
#shops #area #information
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph displays the
number
Use synonyms
 of stores that stopped and started business in one district from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
Linking Words
, throughout the given
period
Use synonyms
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of opening shops had a downward trend
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 of closures had a slight drop,
despit
Correct your spelling
despite
 a large fall in 2015. The
number
Use synonyms
 of stores starting their business had its peak
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 8500 at the
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
 of the
period
Use synonyms
 in 2011. After a sharp
drop
Add a comma
drop,
show examples
 it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the half
number
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
of about
show examples
 4000 in 2012.
Then
Linking Words
 it was followed by a two years growth to 6000 in 2014. In 2015, it reached
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
near its former record in 2012. After maintaining the same level for the next two years, it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
its lowest value
at the end
Linking Words
 of
Use synonyms
period
Add an article
the period
show examples
. The
number
Use synonyms
 of closures started from more than 6000 in 2011.
Then
Linking Words
 until 2014, it fluctuates between around 6000 to 7000. After a dramatic drop in 2015, it touched its lowest record at less than 1000.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 was
follwed
Correct your spelling
followed
 by a sharp rise in 2016 to around 5000.
Finally
Linking Words
, it
holded
Correct your spelling
held
show examples
 its position
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 5000 by the end
f
Correct your spelling
of
Use synonyms
period
Correct article usage
the period
show examples
.
Submitted by AUser on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words number, period with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "drop" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: