Parents should encourage their children to spend more time on physical activities. Are you agree or disagree?
Currently, parent's involvement in their children's life is increasing. Many people still believe that they have to
encage
more time on Correct your spelling
engage
generation's
physical strength despite of academic career. I disagree with Correct article usage
the generation's
this
view and will explain the reasons through
Change preposition
in
this
essay.
To start with academic
pathway, Correct article usage
the academic
firstly
the preference of the child for their career is important. That is
to say, some children tend to choose study activities
for some reason such
as they enjoy learning and some others have goal
which has to Add an article
a goal
be achieve
through hard work Change the verb form
be achieved
of
studying like doctors, engineers, accountants and nurses. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, parents could not force them to do more physical works
rather than Fix the agreement mistake
work
self study
and attending to classes.
Add a hyphen
self-study
Secondly
, educational qualifications are prerequisites for most of
Change preposition
apply
the
employment where employers check those achievements in their Correct article usage
apply
job
application forms as well as
in every job
inyerviews
when they Correct your spelling
interviews
interview
reqruite
a new employee for Correct your spelling
recruit
require
recruited
job
vaccancies
. Correct your spelling
vacancies
For example
, many questions will be arise
regarding skills and knowledge which is related to the Change the verb form
arise
job
in each and every interviews
and the probability of selecting a person with a degree related to the employment is high when compared with sports qualifications without good academic experience.
Fix the agreement mistake
interview
However
physical activities
are crucial for Add an article
a heathy
the heathy
heathy
and active lifestyle. Correct your spelling
healthy
In other words
, when a child do
physical training like sports, walking and dancing, that individual not only Change the verb form
does
aquire
strength but Correct your spelling
acquires
also
it will provide mental as well as
physical peacefullness
which is required for learning purposes.
In Correct your spelling
peacefulness
conclucion
, even though juveniles have to spend time on Correct your spelling
conclusion
strengthning
Correct your spelling
strengthening
activities
for good health, parents are the ones to guide them through a
educational pathway without wasting much time on Change the article
an
extra curricular
Correct your spelling
extracurricular
activities
.Submitted by gaya002.nesa on
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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear structure. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by supporting details. Introduction and conclusion are present, but they could be more precise and concise. The conclusion simply restates the topic without summarizing the main points of the argument.
task achievement
You should provide well-developed arguments. Each paragraph must contain a single clear main idea and sufficient support for that idea. Examples provided should be relevant and specific. Try to articulate the examples you give to illustrate your point more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing sentences that may lead to confusion, such as 'encage more time on generation's physical strength.' It seems there are errors with word choice and sentence structure that affect the clarity of your main points.
task achievement
The response addresses the task only partially; the question of whether you agree or disagree seems to be addressed, but the arguments would benefit from more development and depth. There is some repetition of ideas, which could be replaced with more developed arguments.
task achievement
Your arguments should relate more closely to the prompt, and you should take a clearer position. While you do discuss physical activities and education, the link to the prompt (parents encouraging physical activity) could be made stronger and be the focal point of each paragraph.
task achievement
Please ensure that the essay contains relevant examples to support your point of view. The examples in the essay are too general and lack depth. Make sure the examples are directly related to the points made and effectively support your opinion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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