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Band 5.5

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#world #adults #home #children #study #technology #development
It is universally acknowledged that the majority of adults and children start to shift their concepts of work and learning from attending physical places to online ones.
That is
due to
 the considerable price and seamless accessibility that
technology
 has to offer.
However
, I believe
this
 is a negative development because of the additional financial burden
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 acquiring new devices and the lack of physical
interaction
. Since COVID-19,
technology
 has found its way to make it more reachable to society by setting up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cheap cost and easy
access
.
Moreover
, the
technology
 companies are
also
 supported by the local government in settling the price, which was intended not to distress people.
In addition
, public internet company
such
 as IndiHome
also
 plays a crucial role in providing fast networking
access
. To cite an example, there was a government programme called #DiRumahAja, which was established to encourage people to do their work from home.
Therefore
, having to spare more budget allocations to buy devices and limited
access
 to physical social
interaction
 are two main reasons why working from home is deemed to develop negative outcomes. To
further
 explain, a family with a total of three school-age children has to accommodate three new devices in order to support learning activities.
Thus
, it will lead to a financial burden for some families. In regard to a lack of social
interaction
, adults and children who have to sit in front of their
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 on a daily basis will acquire fewer skills to communicate.
According to
 the
journal
Capitalize word
Journal
show examples
 of
brain neurology
Correct your spelling
Brain Neurology
show examples
, screen time of more than 5 hours per day is prone to weakening our linguistic ability.
To conclude
,
technology
 surely provides a considerable price and easy
access
 to all of its users.
But
Correct word choice
However
show examples
 it has made negative progress in relation to the financial burden for some people and the inability to experience offline
interaction
.
Submitted by chastinervine on

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task achievement
Develop each main point more fully with extended arguments or explanations in order to provide a more nuanced perspective.
coherence cohesion
Utilize a wider range of cohesive devices and transition words to ensure that paragraphs and sentences are logically connected for a smoother flow of ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to substantiate your arguments and enhance the essay's persuasiveness.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remote work
  • e-learning
  • accessibility
  • inclusive
  • productivity
  • personalized learning
  • disciplined routine
  • interpersonal skills
  • cybersecurity
  • sustainability
  • work-life balance
  • physical disabilities
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