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Writing Samples
Band 7

These days, people work in more than one job, and often change their career several times during their life. What are the advantages and disadvantages?

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In contemporary, because of the economic conditions in the countries, most people have to
work
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 a lot of jobs in order to make sufficient income for their families or themselves.
In addition
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, some often change their career many
times
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 during their life because it cannot produce a comfortable income, or some companies contribute low salaries to employees.
This
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 essay will examine both sides of the controversial issue, and my opinion will be provided. On the one hand, advocates of
this
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 proposition believe that individuals who
work
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 more than one job and change their tasks several
times
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 can obtain benefits. It is obvious that working in many places can generate a lot of income.
For example
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, they
work
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 in companies from morning to evening and
then
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 they go to do other jobs in the nighttime.
Moreover
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, it is not strange that some swap their career many
times
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 because they have to gain the best job, which makes it comfortable for them and lets them show effectiveness in working.
On the other hand
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, those who argue with
this
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 perspective think that it is adverse for individuals who have many duties and often convert their tasks. There is no denying that citizens who focus on their duties all the time can receive stress and pressure. To elaborate,
additionally
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 working will prevent them from having much leisure time, and
for
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this
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 reason; it allows people to lack time to relax.
Furthermore
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, stress causes citizens to do worse
work
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 and have bad behaviour. In conclusion, nowadays every person tends to do it several
times
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 and convert their occupation in the whole life. In my view, I strongly agree with the idea that there are many aspects of advantages more than disadvantages.

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grammar and clarity
Consider rephrasing the initial sentence to make it clear and grammatically correct. Use phrases like 'In the modern era,' followed by a more concise discussion of the reasons for multiple jobs.
paragraph development
Ensure that the topic sentence of each paragraph clearly states the main idea, which should be developed with specific examples and clearer explanations.
cohesion
Improve the linking of ideas within and between paragraphs using cohesive devices like 'firstly,' 'secondly,' 'however,' 'therefore,' and so on to strengthen the logical flow.
balance and development
Write a more balanced discussion of the advantages and disadvantages by dedicating equal development to both viewpoints.
task achievement
To better meet the task requirements, provide specific, real-world examples to support each advantage and disadvantage discussed in your essay.
conclusion
Work on crafting a more conclusive ending that summarizes the main points and clearly states your position in relation to the question.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Skill diversification
  • Versatile
  • Professional network
  • Career advancement
  • Job satisfaction
  • Personal fulfillment
  • Market value
  • Job insecurity
  • Financial strain
  • Specialization
  • Adjustment periods
  • Unemployment
  • Deep expertise
  • Long-term benefits
  • Retirement plans
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