The US film industry has too much influence on the film industry around the world. Governments have a duty to invest money in their own film industries to protect and develop their cultures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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The world's
film
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industry
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have
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has
show examples
been influenced significantly by the US
film
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industry
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. The
governments
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have a certain responsibility to support and protect the environment of domestic
film
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production. In order to support the local
film
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industry
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,
governments
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should invest their capital so
the
Correct determiner usage
that
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local
business
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businesses
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can compete with
the
Correct article usage
apply
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US
films
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.
Hence
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, I agree with the idea and
this
Linking Words
passage will explain my possession.
Firstly
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, the US
film
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industry
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have
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has
show examples
been supported by various investors, not only the US but
also
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from state-owned investors. Foreign investment in
films
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is really helpful in order to enter the global market because overseas investors will
also
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play their roles
for
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in
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the market penetration process.
For instance
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, some notable state-owned investment authorities around the world have invested their capital in
US
Correct article usage
the US
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film
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industry
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as a strategy of business diversification.
As a result
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, they can get
the
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a
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capital return from their investment that could be reinvested
at
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in
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their home countries.
Secondly
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, there is a possibility for
technology
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technological
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advancement by investing in
local
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the local
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film
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industry
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.
In addition
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, the reason why the local
films
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cannot compete with US
films
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is
because
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because of
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their lack of futuristic features. These features require a lot of money,
in
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and in
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order to apply
those
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apply
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the
Correct pronoun usage
them
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governments
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should allocate their budgets
for
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to
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the creative
industry
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sector.
As a result
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, the
technology
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technological
show examples
advancement in
local
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the local
show examples
film
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industry
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can attract many audiences.
To conclude
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, the local
film
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industries need
supports
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support
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from
governments
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to prevent
penetration
Correct article usage
the penetration
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from
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of
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the US
film
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in
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into
show examples
the local market. Capital investments from foreign authorities and
technology
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technological
show examples
advancement should be applied in the
industry
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, as these would attract the viewers' attention.
Furthermore
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, the artists' competencies in
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film
Add an article
the film
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industry
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should
also
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be a concern.
Submitted by nadhif2799 on

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coherence cohesion
The essay lacks clear development of ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and a series of supporting sentences that expand on that idea logically.
coherence cohesion
You should introduce the topic, present a clear thesis statement, and offer a well-rounded conclusion. The introduction and conclusion in this essay were present but not fully developed or effective.
coherence cohesion
The essay should be more cohesive with better use of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between ideas.
task achievement
The response needs to fully address the prompt, including all parts of the task. Make a clearer argument on to what extent you agree or disagree.
task achievement
Develop your ideas more comprehensively by explaining the significance of each point. Elaborate on why government investment is important and how exactly it can impact cultural development.
task achievement
Include more relevant, specific examples. Using real-life cases or more concrete scenarios will strengthen the essay's arguments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Americanisation
  • Cultural imperialism
  • Local cinema
  • Cultural diversity
  • Cultural homogenization
  • Film subsidies
  • National identity
  • Artistic expression
  • Blockbusters
  • Cultural preservation
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