Many peape work long hours, leaving very ittle time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or disadvantages?

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Nowadays,the
condistion
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condition
conditions
of the economy become a reason for
to
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apply
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people
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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more
time
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in the workplace.For many
this
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habit is relevant to earning more
money
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and for
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others
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other
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other,
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it is for personal interest.
However
Linking Words
,there are more pros and cons to deciding to do
this
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.In
this
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essay, I will discuss some of the reasons why many people
work
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long hours with some examples. Let's begin by looking at the advantages of working a lot,
One
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of the main benefits of working more
time
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than regularly is, that when you
work
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more you earn more
money
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. As you know, you give
money
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for every hour of
work
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when you
work
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more hours you earn more
money
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and it is a major reason for
this
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issue.
Secondly
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,working a lot can be a reason to progress in workstyle and sometimes can develop a lifestyle .Take ordinary staff
for example
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.In all companies,
one
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of the standards is your try about your task, if you
work
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harder you can develop your position.
In other words
Linking Words
, you chose your position with your effort. Turning to the other side of the argument,
this
Linking Words
situation can be proof of
a
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apply
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depression.when you pay more attention to your
work
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and do not attention to your regular
life
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and family you become a robot and can not
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be interest
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interest
Replace the word
interested
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in anything. what's
more
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more,
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you do not have any aim and everything sense repetitively. Another issue is that
life
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happens
one
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time
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,when do not enjoy it on
time
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you can not enjoy another
time
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.Many people believe that the worth of
life
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is more
to ruin
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than ruining
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it with hard
work
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.
In addition
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,working is a facility to create a nice
life
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but when you focus more than its value you lose more particular things which is called
life
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. All things considered , Everyone
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one
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apply
show examples
should
work
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to reach their aim. You can handle it and don’t press to
your self
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yourself
show examples
which logical scheme.Personally,I think living is the most valuable thing in the world and nothing is worth destroying its significant
work
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.
Submitted by bahram.azizzade on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay lacks a clear logical structure and the ideas presented are not always logically sequenced, which impacts the overall coherence. To improve this, make sure to organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a central topic. Use linking words to connect your ideas and paragraphs more effectively.
coherence cohesion
While you have an introduction and a conclusion, they could be clearer to establish and summarize your arguments. Work on creating a more impactful thesis statement and a conclusive summary that restates your main points and gives a final opinion.
task achievement
Your essay partially addresses the task, providing some explanation for why people might choose to work long hours. However, you could strengthen your argument by providing more relevant supporting examples and elaborating further on both the advantages and disadvantages to give a balanced view.
task achievement
Your ideas are presented but sometimes lack clarity and are not explored comprehensively. To improve, focus on explaining your ideas with more depth, providing clearer reasoning, and ensuring that your arguments are both precise and cogent. Avoid vague statements that do not contribute to your argument.
task achievement
Use specific examples to illustrate your points. This enhances the persuasiveness of your essay. To improve, you could provide real life examples or hypothetical situations demonstrating the advantages and disadvantages of working long hours. Balance these examples to reflect a nuanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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