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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.

The chart shows the percentage of male and female teachers in six different types of educational setting in the UK in 2010.
#percentage #teachers #six #uk
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The table illustrates how much time UK unemployed spend
their
Change preposition
on their
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 free time in 14 different categories.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is clear, that housework by
women
Use synonyms
 in the morning is
far
Change preposition
by far
show examples
 the
most
Change the adjective
apply
show examples
highest amount in total.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in the morning
men
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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usually spend their time
with
Change preposition
apply
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shopping and job hunting,
while
Linking Words
 ladies
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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 the daily chores.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in
afternoon
Correct article usage
the afternoon
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 are likely to do gardening and
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 TV, in comparison with
women
Use synonyms
 who
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
mostly
reading
Wrong verb form
read
show examples
 and
Linking Words
also watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 something
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the TV.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in the early hours only 2 per cent of
men
Use synonyms
drinking
Wrong verb form
drink
show examples
,
Linking Words
similarly
Change the word
similar
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 since their numbers in the same
categorie
Correct your spelling
category
 is only 1%.
However
Linking Words
, in
afternoon
Correct article usage
the afternoon
show examples
 1% of
men
Use synonyms
staying
Wrong verb form
stay
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
bed, similar to
women
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 their amount
is
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 zero.
Finally
Linking Words
, it is
noticable
Correct your spelling
noticeable
notable
 that
women
Use synonyms
's highest percentages are in the housework
ascpect
Correct your spelling
aspect
also
Linking Words
 in the morning and in
afternoon
Add an article
the afternoon
an afternoon
show examples
 as well.
On the other hand
Linking Words
men
Use synonyms
's highest score is in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job hunting and in the TV streaming categories.
Submitted by palvdori on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words women, men with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • educational settings
  • percentage
  • representation
  • disparities
  • predominance
  • gender imbalance
  • societal expectations
  • historical roles
  • implications
  • trends
  • gender gap
  • educational outcomes
  • gender stereotypes
  • policies
  • initiatives
  • perceptions
  • effectiveness
  • primary school
  • secondary school
  • nursery
  • university
  • further education
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