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Writing Samples
Band 7

Doctors are concerned that older adults are not getting enough exercise. What are the causes of this? What can be done to prevent it?Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, physical
inacitivitiy
Correct your spelling
inactivity
 is common among adults
due to
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 multiple reasons
such
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 as long working
hours
Use synonyms
, and medical experts are worried about
this
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 lifestyle and its implications on society. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss why adults are physically inactive and propose solutions to tackle
this
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 issue. One major cause for physical inactivity is that most adults suffer from work-life imbalance as they work for long
hours
Use synonyms
, five to six days a week which prevents them from engaging in group
activities
Use synonyms
 that require prior arrangements.
Furthermore
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, After spending long
hours
Use synonyms
 at work, a person
finds
Correct subject-verb agreement
find
show examples
 themselves too physically exhausted to practice any activity after leaving their workplace. Another reason that discourages individuals from exercising, is expensive
gym
Use synonyms
 memberships and entry fees.
For example
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, in Saudi Arabia, a
gym
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 membership costs $300 per month which accounts for around 10% of the average income in the country. Many
people
Use synonyms
 face these challenges which limit their involvement in sports and physical
activities
Use synonyms
.
However
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, as the rate of obesity and its complications increased in recent years, efforts have been made to promote healthier lifestyles which focus on physical
activities
Use synonyms
 and a healthy diet.
For instance
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, In Jeddah, SA, the seafront contains facilities which encourage
people
Use synonyms
 to exercise,
such
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 as designated areas for walking ,cycling and sports
activities
Use synonyms
 (Football and volleyball). Another method that has been implemented in most companies and deemed successful, offering discounted
gym
Use synonyms
 memberships for their employees.
However
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,
people
Use synonyms
 still struggle with their busy schedules and working
hours
Use synonyms
 which should be addressed by leaders in the labour sector. In conclusion, busy work schedules and astronomical
gym
Use synonyms
 prices discourage many
people
Use synonyms
 from exercising which leads to an increase in rates of obesity and health issues. Governments and leaders in companies should join efforts to promote physical activity and fitness.

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task achievement
Consider adding more insightful examples and elaborations in your main points to enhance the argumentation and depth of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure clarity in the transitions and connections between your ideas, possibly using more linking words to enhance the flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which effectively guides the reader through your argument.
task achievement
Relevant examples from your personal experience and statistics related to gym costs substantiate your arguments well, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • chronic diseases
  • mobility issues
  • joint pain
  • physical activity
  • quality of life
  • social isolation
  • community centers
  • accessibility
  • socioeconomic factors
  • recreational activities
  • maintaining health
  • transportation barriers
  • chronic disease prevention
  • health outcomes
What to do next:
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