IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

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The plummeting number of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in rural areas is starting to reach a concerning level these days.
This
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 is a result of massive urbanization, a phenomenon which occurs when countryside inhabitants move to the city. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that his particular movement is not beneficial, especially for rural areas' future development.
This
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 will be proven by the housing problem in an overpopulated city,
as well as
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 the scarcity of manpower to handle farm and plantation land.
Firstly
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, urbanization will lead to overpopulation of the city, which eventually leads to skyrocketing issues of finding a decent home.
For instance
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, the limited property available is not linear with the demand and
this
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 is resulting in an excessively expensive rent fee that society already encounters nowadays.
Hence
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, if the movement is not stopped,
this
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 will cause even more complicated problems,
such
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 as homelessness and a rising criminal rate.
Therefore
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,
this
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 development may eventually lead to a complicated housing problem and needs to be solved immediately.
Secondly
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, the community who decide to leave the village will not continue the legacy of their parents, which is the farmland and fields.
As a result
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, the lack of thriving farmland and crop plantations will lead to a massive shortage of staple goods.
For example
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,
although
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 Indonesia was one of the biggest agricultural countries in the world, we were facing a rice crisis as it was the main carbohydrate in the meals that we consume every day.
Thus
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, the lack of
people
Use synonyms
 who live in the countryside can cause a long-term issue,
such
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 as national food ingredients shortage. In conclusion,
this
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 phenomenon can cause dozens of problems,
such
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 as issues in living areas and neglected countryside farms and fields.
Finally
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, the negative development of
this
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 movement is very clear the government needs to make strict regulations and encourage more
people
Use synonyms
 to live in the rural area by incentivising the farms and plantations.

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coherence cohesion
The essay tends to present ideas in a manner that may not always have a clear logical flow. This can occasionally make it more challenging for the reader to follow the argument. Consider using more connecting words and phrases to improve the clarity and progression of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
While the introduction and conclusion are present in the essay, they could be enhanced to better outline and summarise the central points. A concise and clear introduction followed by a thorough recapitulation in the conclusion adds strength to the overall structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Support for main points is attempted but could be developed further. Incorporating a range of detailed examples, data, or additional supporting explanations would create a more persuasive and engaging response.
task achievement
The response to the task could be more complete. A deeper analysis and discussion of the implications of the points raised, such as potential solutions or more nuanced consequences, would fulfill the task requirements more effectively.
task achievement
Although ideas are generally comprehensible, they need to be articulated more clearly and comprehensively. Strive to express your viewpoints and arguments in a way that is unequivocal and doesn't leave room for misunderstanding or ambiguity.
task achievement
Referencing more relevant and specific examples can strengthen your position. These examples should clearly illustrate the points you're making and enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments. Avoid generalizations that are not substantiated with concrete evidence.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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