Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals think that it is
great
plan to continue going to Add an article
a great
work
at
their declining years. I agree to a larger extent with Change preposition
in
this
argument, however
, to a lesser digree
Correct your spelling
degree
i
disagree with Change the capitalization
I
this
assertion.
On one
Correct article usage
the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
i
side with the idea that the elderly should continue with their jobs even though they are very old, Change the capitalization
I
this
is so because some old people
dont
have any loved ones or sponsors to take care of their financial needs to afford basic needs Correct your spelling
do not
such
as food, clothes and healthcare. Although
some jobs provide employees with retirement benefits the money they get is not enough to take care of them. In
contrast
some Add a comma
contrast,
people
are self-employed and when they retire they will not have any pensionsAdd the comma(s)
, therefore,
therefore
it's a good plan for them to continue working.
When the elderly continue working , moreover
, it helps reduce the burden to
the government and family members. As many old aged Change preposition
on
people
continue working it results in reduction
of financial strain Add an article
a reduction
the reduction
to
the Change preposition
on
bread winners
of the family because the old family members will be able to take care of their basic needs ,Correct your spelling
breadwinners
moreso
, allowing the government to allocate Correct your spelling
more so
less
funds Change the quantifier
fewer
on
the elderly.
Change preposition
to
However
, on the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
i
disagree with the idea of individuals continuing to Change the capitalization
I
work
at an old age because many of them have got various medical problems as health declines with ageing so giving them time to rest from work
is the best option.
Inconclusion
, Correct your spelling
In conclusion
i
strongly agree with elder Change the capitalization
I
people
continuing to work
because it reduces financial strains on both the government and their sponsors but to a lesser extent it will worsen their health conditions.Submitted by karigaruvimbo on
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task achievement
The essay's approach to the task presents the candidate's opinion and some degree of development for both sides of the argument, but the support for these ideas is not sufficiently developed or exemplified, which is necessary for a higher score. To improve, ensure that main points are expanded upon with clear, specific examples and further analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows some organization and logical structure, but it could be strengthened significantly. Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences, and ideas should be more logically sequenced. Pay attention to cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas, and work on a more compelling introduction and conclusion to enhance your score.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.