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Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #idea #work #age
Some individuals think that it is
great
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a great
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 plan to continue going to
work
at
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in
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 their declining years. I agree to a larger extent with
this
 argument,
however
, to a lesser
digree
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degree
i
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I
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 disagree with
this
 assertion. On
one
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the one
show examples
hand
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hand,
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i
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I
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 side with the idea that the elderly should continue with their jobs even though they are very old,
this
 is so because some old
people
dont
Correct your spelling
do not
 have any loved ones or sponsors to take care of their financial needs to afford basic needs
such
 as food, clothes and healthcare.
Although
 some jobs provide employees with retirement benefits the money they get is not enough to take care of them.
In
contrast
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contrast,
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 some
people
 are self-employed and when they retire they will not have any pensions
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, therefore,
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therefore
 it's a good plan for them to continue working. When the elderly continue working ,
moreover
, it helps reduce the burden
to
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on
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 the government and family members. As many old aged
people
 continue working it results in
reduction
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a reduction
the reduction
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 of financial strain
to
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on
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 the
bread winners
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breadwinners
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 of the family because the old family members will be able to take care of their basic needs ,
moreso
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more so
, allowing the government to allocate
less
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fewer
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 funds
on
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to
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 the elderly.
However
,
on the other
hand
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hand,
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i
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I
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 disagree with the idea of individuals continuing to
work
 at an old age because many of them have got various medical problems as health declines with ageing so giving them time to rest from
work
 is the best option.
Inconclusion
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In conclusion
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,
i
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I
show examples
 strongly agree with elder
people
 continuing to
work
 because it reduces financial strains on both the government and their sponsors but to a lesser extent it will worsen their health conditions.
Submitted by karigaruvimbo on

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task achievement
The essay's approach to the task presents the candidate's opinion and some degree of development for both sides of the argument, but the support for these ideas is not sufficiently developed or exemplified, which is necessary for a higher score. To improve, ensure that main points are expanded upon with clear, specific examples and further analysis.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows some organization and logical structure, but it could be strengthened significantly. Paragraphs should have clear topic sentences, and ideas should be more logically sequenced. Pay attention to cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas, and work on a more compelling introduction and conclusion to enhance your score.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • lifelong employment
  • senior workforce
  • retirement age
  • pension schemes
  • financial security
  • age discrimination
  • workforce diversity
  • technological savvy
  • healthcare considerations
  • mental acuity
  • social contribution
  • intergenerational transfer of knowledge
  • quality of life
  • career longevity
  • voluntary work
  • compulsory retirement
  • flexible working arrangements
  • job market dynamics
  • dignified retirement
  • work-life balance
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