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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Many teenagers now have their smart phones. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this and give your opinion.

#teenagers #phones
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In the modern era, nowadays, the
smartphone
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 is a basic need everyone must have. Technology is an integral part of our lives that can not be separated, including
smartphones
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. The using of
smartphones
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 has become essential in our daily lives.
However
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, it has become debatable whether it is a good or bad decision to give
smartphones
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 to
teenagers
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. Some think it is not right for teens to already have
smartphones
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,
while
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 others think
otherwise
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.
This
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 essay will examine the benefits and drawbacks of
smartphone
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 usage for young
people
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.
To begin
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 with,
smartphones
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 are an important technology for every age, including youth. The usage of a
smartphone
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 can support the learning process for
students
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 at their school.
For example
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, educational apps and resources on
smartphones
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such
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 as Duolingo can help non-English speaking
students
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 study English.
In addition
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, it provides convenience for
students
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 to learn anytime and anywhere, only by opening their
smartphones
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 and
then
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 going into the app.
However
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, despite the advantages of the
smartphone
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, it
also
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 has some disadvantages, particularly for
teenagers
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. As we know, the adolescent age is when the hormone is still not stable and emotional is still not fully mature. These are the reasons why some
people
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 think teens should not have
smartphones
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.
Smartphones
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 are like an open gate to the cyber world. Through
smartphones
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,
people
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 can access anything in the cyber
such
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 as social media which become a trend place for youth. They have a social media account to know the latest news or trends about anything and
also
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 to be friends with new
people
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 from different areas. Social media can become an addiction if they do not use it wisely. It can be a distraction for
students
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.
For instance
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, X app which has most of the users is
teenagers
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. Once they can not control their time, it becomes a distraction.
Instead
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 of studying, most young
people
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 can spend most of their time in X app. It can reduce their time which could be better spent being productive.
As a result
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, many young
people
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 lack sleep, and potentially their academic will drop
and
Correct word choice
apply
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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affect
Wrong verb form
affecting
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 their future. In conclusion,
smartphone
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 usage become a double-edged sword for
teenagers
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.
While
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 it offers many benefits for simplifying their study, it is
also
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 a risk to their productivity. They must use it responsibly with guidance from parents or guardians to mitigate potential downsides.
Submitted by nurulfitriakamilah on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure logical flow by using clearer transitions between points and paragraphs to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Develop paragraphs with a clear central idea, and use cohesive devices to connect ideas within and across paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
In the body paragraphs, make sure each main point is supported with specific examples. These examples should be clear and directly related to the argument you are making.
task achievement
Address all parts of the task with sufficient detail, providing a balanced view of both advantages and disadvantages before giving your own opinion.
task achievement
Clarify and expand on your ideas to ensure that your position is well-supported and comprehensive.
task achievement
Draw upon a range of specific examples that illustrate the points made and enhance the argument. Avoid general statements.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Smartphones
  • Instant access
  • Educational apps
  • Enhanced communication
  • Navigation
  • Tech skills
  • Distraction
  • Productivity
  • Inappropriate content
  • Cyberbullying
  • Privacy concerns
  • Overreliance
  • Social skills
  • Double-edged sword
  • Responsibly
  • Mitigate
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