some people believe that all students should be made to have unpaid job in their free time.Do you agree or disagree?

#people #students #job #time

this

day and age, there has been controversy about whether

students

should apply for voluntary

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

during their leisure period or they should just learn new skills and activities in idle time. From my perspective, I completely agree with

notion

Add an article

the notion

a notion

show examples

and

this

essay explains my reasons in the

forecoming

Correct your spelling

forthcoming

paragraphs.

To begin

with, all

students

should take

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

into consideration that being a

student

is not only about studying and passing exams but

also

gaining new knowledge and

experience

In other words

, schools do not provide

students

with

Correct article usage

the neccessary

show examples

neccessary

Correct your spelling

necessary

skills for their future

career

Fix the agreement mistake

careers

show examples

Firstly

, one of the best

way

Change to a plural noun

ways

show examples

for

this

issue is

applying

Change the verb form

to apply

show examples

for unpaid

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

in companies which do not require a specific educational level and

experience

. In Universities,

for example

, there

are

Change the verb form

show examples

one compulsory course in each major which is called

Internship

Correct article usage

an Internship

show examples

and it is all about doing

voluntary

Correct article usage

a voluntary

show examples

job

Add an article

a related

show examples

company with the

students

' major. In detail, for aerospace engineering,

students

should take their internship course in airlines.

Thus

, from these mandatory

Fix the agreement mistake

lectures

show examples

lecture

Add a comma

lecture,

show examples

undergradute

Correct your spelling

undergraduate

student

Fix the agreement mistake

students

show examples

are capable of working in

big

Add an article

the big

a big

show examples

and well-paid

company

Fix the agreement mistake

companies

show examples

Secondly

, nowadays, one

the

Change preposition

of the

show examples

most important requirements for applying

Change preposition

show examples

big companies is having two or three years

Change preposition

of related

show examples

job

experience

In addition

, it is impossible for

those

Change the determiner

that student

those students

show examples

student

who just graduated from university or school to have a professional resume.

Furthermore

this

idea which

make

Verb problem

gives

show examples

student

Change the verb form

apply

show examples

have unpaid

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

during their studying or even their free time will

helps

Change the verb form

help

show examples

them

alot

Correct your spelling

a lot

. The more

experience

ones have the more

job

opportunities will they face in future.

For instance

, those who went

for

Change preposition

show examples

work in their school season,

they

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

could start their career as soon as possible without any gap which is happen

for

Change preposition

show examples

the lack of

requirement

Fix the agreement mistake

requirements

show examples

Hence

, even unsalaried

job

Fix the agreement mistake

jobs

show examples

can teach and take people lots of abilities. In conclusion, as iI mentioned in the previous paragraphs,I think parents in the first step and

then

Correct article usage

the schools

show examples

schools

Fix the agreement mistake

school

show examples

ministery

Correct your spelling

ministry

minister

should take

this

responsibility to force the teenagers to work in these situations and make their resume professional for

thier

Correct your spelling

their

the

future.

Submitted by sh.sharifpour79 on Sun Jan 07 2024

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introduction conclusion present

While your essay does have an introduction and a conclusion, the introduction could be strengthened by presenting a clearer thesis statement that explicitly states your position on the prompt.

logical structure

The logical progression of ideas can be improved by creating more distinct paragraphs with clear topic sentences and conclusive sentences that summarize the argument presented within the paragraph.

supported main points

Support your main points with specific, detailed examples. Instead of discussing situations in general terms, share anecdotes, data, or any relevant scenario that can substantiate your arguments.

complete response

Address the prompt directly and ensure that you respond to all aspects of the task. Explore both sides of the argument if the prompt requires it, and make sure your position is clear and maintained throughout the essay.

clear comprehensive ideas

Aim to express your ideas clearly and cohesively. This involves organizing your essay into paragraphs that each discuss one central idea, connected with transitional phrases and clearly linked to the main argument of the essay.

relevant specific examples

Using specific examples will help illustrate your points and add credibility to your argument. When possible, include figures, names, places, or events that are directly related to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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13Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

341 words

4.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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some people believe that all students should be made to have unpaid job in their free time.Do you agree or disagree?

Fully explain your ideas

Living in the countryside is better than living in the city. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Millions of dollars are spent on space research every year. Some people argue that the money should be spent on improving living standards on Earth. Do you agree or disagree?

These days, more and more business meetings are taking place online. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television has destroyed communication among friends and family. Use specific reasons and examples to support your option.

Some people think that the Olympic Games is an exciting event and can bring nations together. Others, however, think that it is a waste of money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.